Getting used to it, Midlife
Getting Used to It, Midlife is a show hosted by two executive life coaches, Beth & Suzee, who are also expert friends and are both getting used to midlife. From empty nesting and aging parents to painful sex, and let’s not forget the extra lubrication, we will sift through all of it, speaking our truth faithfully and vulnerably. Listen as we live through this in ourselves and our relationships in real time and tease through the “how to” of this next phase of life. As coaches, we have the tools, but as women in the middle, we may not have all the answers. Scratch that— we’ll have some damn good ideas, too. Join us, and let’s get used to it together!
Getting used to it, Midlife
Getting Used To It: Still Waiting on Your Body to Let You Be Happy? Don’t.
What if your physical appearance is the least interesting thing about you? This revolutionary perspective forms the heart of our exploration into Anuschka Rees’ Beyond Beautiful. We dive into how body image can dominate self-worth, why beauty standards are culturally constructed, and how women—especially in midlife—can begin to reclaim their energy. Through honest stories and practical tools, we explore the power of body neutrality and the freedom of focusing on who you are beyond the mirror.
Thanks for tuning in to this episode of Getting Used To It!
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Stay connected, stay curious, and we’ll see you next time!
we're back. Yes, we are and we're here.
Speaker 2:I'm back hey, oh I stepped on you, I am suzy, hey, beth hi here we are. We're talking about a really juicy topic, that, and we're excited talking about it before we started recording.
Speaker 1:We're like hit record Hurry.
Speaker 2:I'm getting so into this. I can't hear the good stuff.
Speaker 1:Well, we are talking about a book. What is the book? You know, you recommended it, Beth, and I think it's a good one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's called Beyond Beautiful, the author is Anushka Reese and it's a practical guide to being happy, confident and you in a looks obsessed world. And it just appealed to me because, you know, I'm 61, as you know, um, you know, I don't know that I'm like a hundred percent happy with my body. And then I think about how did we get here with my body? And then I think about how did we get here? You know, how did I get here? Why are other?
Speaker 1:women here, why are?
Speaker 2:why do why? Why are we here? Why are we here? And I don't know. I felt that. I know I. You know how I found this author, remember when we were talking about getting our colors done? Yes, yes, so she. I found her somewhere on the internet and she offered that as a, as a service. And then later I read, oh, she wrote this book. And I'm like, oh, I think that could be good. You know, I have a young, that's right. I remember you said this yes, a young woman, daughter and I thought maybe this would be good for her.
Speaker 2:But even in like the first 25 pages, I was saying to suzy before we got on, which includes a hefty introduction, I felt so and I hate this because it's just like what everybody says. But it's true, I really did feel seen. I was like that's me that's me, that's me, I. And then I thought I need my husband to listen to this, or read this. Yeah, he needs to know the shit that I have been thinking about and carrying around with me my whole you know teenage to now. Yeah, yeah, no, I love that.
Speaker 1:I love that. It just like had such an impact on you right from the beginning. That's so cool that she was able to voice all that and have you seen right from the beginning?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's really cool. So what was it? What do you remember? Like the very first thing she said and you're like what the fuck Like that's so mean, I'm like so connected to this oh gosh, um, oh, my God, um, what was the very first thing?
Speaker 2:Let me think about it for a sec. It was in the introduction and I think it was like I don't know. Let me figure it out. I should have jotted that down, but I didn't. I thing I wrote down that she said that I liked.
Speaker 1:she said good looks don't guarantee happiness or confidence.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh, that was what. Okay, perfect that you brought that up. Yeah, I like how she broke out the differences between self-esteem, confidence and body image and we talked. We talked about self-esteem and confidence on one of our previous episodes and it's just I think this would knock my this just this less about me, but more about just this issue writ large was that, like a third of body image accounts for a third of our self-esteem for most women for a third of our self-esteem.
Speaker 2:For most women, that's a hefty chunk. That's a hefty chunk, yeah it really is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and good looks don't guarantee happiness and confidence. I don't think that people think about that, right, like there is so much. She does talk about the media and social media, any kind of media that's. We're always bombarded with like images of how we should look or smell or this or that, and it's mostly about body image, right, and we think that if we buy that thing then we're guaranteed happiness and confidence or something. But it's so not true. You know, like how many times have we bought like the one outfit or pair of shoes or shampoo, thinking like this is the thing that's going to do it? Never is the thing, is never that one thing you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm thinking of like another time in one's life where we think like okay, you know, I'll get the job, I'll get the apartment and then, I'll find love, Like if I get these things settled down, then I will be ready for the whatever the next step.
Speaker 1:We have a lot of things that we put pressure on to you know. To then equal the happy result, yeah, you know. To then equal the happy result, yeah, and the truth is we just need an overall just. It doesn't have to be perfect in order to get the next thing. It really doesn't.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we don't need a perfect set of circumstances in which to allow the next thing to come in, no matter the age we are, or stage, or stage in life, or stage. Yeah, exactly. Um, one of the things I really liked was um that she said you know, we think we're going to do all these things to improve how we feel about our bodies, you know, and in fact, often they don't make us happy, we think they will make us. Fact, often they don't make us happy, we think they will make us happy, but often they don't. And that's surprising, and I think a lot of people think like I do think a lot of people think that we are lying to them when we say that.
Speaker 1:Say that, give me an example.
Speaker 2:You know, like, whatever it is like I'm going to, you know, I don't I have to think of a good example, but what I'm saying it, what I, what I mean, is when we tell someone who is really in this mindset that the book is talking about the mindset of like, in order to yeah, negative, feel good about my body, I need to do these things. Yeah, actually, the opposite is true, that the doing of those things or actually what I was going to say is that like someone that is coming from that old mindset say is that like someone that is coming from that old mindset?
Speaker 2:I'll get it right here, don't worry coming from that kind of mindset and say then I come in and I say to you you know, actually that is not going to make you happy at the end of the day. You know, often that person might think we are lying to them is what I'm saying. They're so entrenched I'm getting it out now Right In that thinking that we've all because it is so internalized. That was another thing that spoke to me. Like we, this is internalized in all of us women.
Speaker 1:That we think that okay. So if I do get that job or if I do get that, well, here we're talking about body, but like that nose job, that shoot me now that flat stomach you know, that everything will be better.
Speaker 2:I'll find a good partner.
Speaker 1:I'll get a good job.
Speaker 2:So much of women's value has is down to attraction attractiveness, Sorry.
Speaker 1:Yeah. You know, it's very true, and you know what I was thinking. That'd be so interesting to go back into history and see it. Where did that just really start? From day one, right?
Speaker 2:Whatever the standard was the cave woman.
Speaker 1:That's what I'm kind of actually thinking about the cave woman. Like you know, the cave men seem to go towards this one cave woman because of whatever. However they looked, they had more hair under their armpits and that was freaking hot, and so whatever it was, I'm sure, samantha, we could dig and find some very interesting anthropological info on this, which would be cool, and I bet you anything women today would be like oh yeah, but that was then.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but. But the truth is like, yes, that was then, but it still keeps morphing right, like no matter what. We don't seem to get off that train and in every there's a new trend for every season or generation or whatever it is, and we people keep making this shit up of what is the most beautiful. Every again, I feel like trends are quicker now, but generation it seems to roll over and keeps changing even quicker than it used to. But it's who are the people who are saying that? This is the thing. Where's the board and how? How does that happen?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, exactly. I mean I think it's men on some level and it was for a really long time.
Speaker 1:What I was just going to say. Maybe this is just like a well-known fact for many people and I didn't know that, but I remember hearing long time ago the fashion industry they pick the color of the year right.
Speaker 2:Like together.
Speaker 1:And then they're like it's whatever number, blah, blah, blah. This is like, this is what we're doing, right? So that's already set out, right. So you just have to wonder, like how much of this is already just kind of designed, actually. And then pushed out. Predetermined. Funny thing is that people the majority, still seems to jump on that train and write it and then beat themselves up because they don't have that thing. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I remember I saw this, I don't know, 10 years ago. There's a video online somewhere. It's 3000 years of women's beauty standards in a three minute video. Whoa, it's fascinating it sounds cool. Yeah, it takes you from you know ancient from egypt in 1290 bc. Okay, we're not starting with the cave people, so we don't totally know, and then it goes through, it goes on through, and and um, the women are all in like a white bathing suit and you can just see how things have changed, like the difference between the han dynasty in 206 BC and the Italian Renaissance in 1400.
Speaker 2:See, you know, it's just, it's crazy. It goes from slim waist to ample, bosom rounded stomach. It's just very, very, very, very different.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then twiggy right, because yeah, then twiggy Become big. And then that was the look. And then back to we go from.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we go from golden agewood, from the 30s to 50s, which is curvy and hourglassy, up to the 60s, which is willowy, thin, yep and then 80s to athletic, and then back to 90s, heroin, chic and yeah, whatever.
Speaker 1:It just kind of keeps going back and forth back, yeah, like every freaking trend, but no matter what, we're all seem to be um really beat ourselves up when we don't think we're of that standard.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly it's hard to be matter what that's the thing, yeah, that's, that's totally the thing. And like, right, how do you at one thing, how do you stand alone in you know, a forest full of trees that are going in one direction? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:You know Totally, she had mentioned yeah, go ahead, no, you go.
Speaker 2:And I think that at the end of the book right, that's kind of what I know, we're jumping around, but you know that's kind of where she leaves off is, you know, self-acceptance, um, and you know, being unburdened by the constraints of societal beauty standards and having sort of a liberating vision of acceptance and satisfaction in your life. Yeah, you know she was mentioning something. I want that susie of acceptance and satisfaction in your life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, she was mentioning something.
Speaker 2:I want that Susie.
Speaker 1:You can have it. It's right there, get it.
Speaker 2:I'm so totally going for it. Totally. That's going to be my back nine.
Speaker 1:This is, yes, this is, I think that's what you nail in 2025. You got six more months. You got this.
Speaker 2:Shit, that's like going to college right now. Okay, I'm on it.
Speaker 1:You're on it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she said something about you know, just the our history right Things people have said and to us, as we've been, as we grew up, and sometimes that hangs on and then we're still holding on to that right.
Speaker 1:Yep, um and I she may have said this, but I wrote down just as a note too is that um, being korean, being asian, brought up in a mostly white neighborhood, part half of my time in californ, california, was in more of a mixed neighborhood, so it was really interesting because I don't think anyone cared as much. And then when I then moved over to the more like the wealthy neighborhood as my parents got more money and then we were able to kind of keep moving and I have to say it was more white, not quite so mixed I then started to notice the difference in me, right, like oh, wow, I'm not white, my eyes look very different from everybody around here, my nose is different, this is, my skin is like everything is different. And then I was actually getting comments about like how can you see out of your eyes? You know these sorts of things and it makes you start to I know Beth is giving that look like what the fuck? I get so fucking pissed off, I know, I know totally, and you know.
Speaker 1:Then you start to wonder like, oh, I wish I look more white, right? So then you have to go through getting over all that stuff, yeah, yeah. But it made me think of that, like, yes, and. But the truth is, if you zoom out, kids are mean and it didn't matter, honestly, if I was Korean or not. People are picking on each other, like and, and she calls it out middle school, and I do believe middle school is really tough age and that's when, for some reason, a lot of that stuff does happen, like middle school, early high school, and I think that's such a um, vulnerable age, vulnerable age, yeah yeah, I think that's I.
Speaker 2:I remember hearing this a few years ago that, like during that age middle school, I mean, I don't remember this so much, but just currently of current, you know, sort of thinking is that that's a an age when it's really about conformity, developmentally right and we all just like, just make me look like the next person or like the people that are popular blend me the crap in right and yeah, and so that kind of makes sense, you know, if you're not blending in, which is less about, I think, less about kids being mean not that they aren't and can't be, I don't mean that but a little bit more about like developmental stuff that's happening in and around them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly, and that also made me think of just homeschooling Just hide, let's just hide from that shit right now.
Speaker 1:No, homeschooling seems hard. That's a lot of pressure on me. Of course my kids are old now, I can hold them now. But also just made me realize too that actually my parents' beauty standards I'm error quoting was so different also compared to then American beauty standards, right? So that was like mixed messages from home and outside.
Speaker 1:You know, I was too dark because I was tanning in Los Angeles, while they thought the pale white skin was beautiful, so then I wasn't looking good to my parents, right? So it was just a lot of things that were going wrong. Yeah, like, oh, I'm not fitting in anywhere, so yeah.
Speaker 2:I, yeah, I mean I think, yeah, you know, my family is like more Eastern European, but definitely I noticed, you know, I had a very young mom who was very beautiful and her sister also the same, and there was always. It was always my weight was their topic oh really, yeah, yeah, okay I show up at my grandmother's house.
Speaker 2:One of my grandmothers and she'd be oh you look like you lost weight. It was always, and even though that is like people think that is couched in like positivity, it really the message that sends is there's something wrong with me Yep, and I need to be thin. Yeah, exactly yeah, I'm not enough. I'm not enough, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Yep, Exactly Another that that I want to. I'm hesitating because I want to tell a story, but I don't have permission to tell this story.
Speaker 1:So like, but I'm still going to say I'm not going to say names, but or specifically who although, beth, you might guess is that I do know someone who's who was maybe a little bit chunky when they were younger, but like a lot of kids, kind of go, you know, go chunky, then skinny, then who knows, whatever, it doesn't even matter. But she had lost a bunch of weight and her father said you look great, what have you been doing? Whatever you're doing, it's great, you look great. She was 10 and from 10 and now she's in her 60s, has been anorexic and bulimic because she had to keep chasing that.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow, yeah.
Speaker 2:Wow, that breaks my heart, yeah.
Speaker 1:So you know, like you just said, it may seem like it's a good idea to say, hey, you look great, you lost weight, but maybe not. Yeah, and it's hard to tell. Sometimes, you know, like you think you're giving a compliment. You know, but it's hard.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't think. Think we, and by we I mean society. If I started this book and felt seen at my age and felt driven to have my spouse read it, that just tells you how little it's being spoken of. Yeah, right that just tells you how little it's being spoken of. Yeah, right, and so, in the quiet depths of our mind, what we do with information like that when we are this vulnerable, with body image being such a third of our self-esteem? In most of us, it's powerful.
Speaker 1:Absolutely the negativity is powerful. It's amazing that I mean a third. What's the other two thirds, do you know? I don't. I'm so curious now, but that's huge and I just wonder, like I mean we do. I feel like it's more than a third, because I'm sure that it could be. Yeah, I feel like we're all so sensitive to that. Yeah, I feel like most people are.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she says our physical appearance is just an aspect of ourselves, but what we're looking for is like worthiness, happiness, being loved. But what we're taught is that being attractive is our best chance of getting there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that is very, very true. And you know, what's sad is that it's interesting to me that there was a period of time that I felt like, oh, the fact like sometimes social media has it right, like where they're showing all different kinds of body, like I don't feel like it's quite as bad as it used to be, but then in some places I feel like it's even worse. Um, it's like a weird one step forward, two step back kind of a situation. It's interesting Cause I feel like, even like my daughter and her friends, they, since they take a bunch of pictures they're just so used to like seeing themselves that it doesn't really matter to them as much.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Like they're just like taking pictures for us. We had to go, you know, get the pictures developed. We had to do this whole thing and I just remember I don't know if you were like this, but being pretty self-conscious about how those pictures were going to turn out and not wanting anyone to see them until, like, I saw them first or whatever Right. But so in some ways I feel like, because they see themselves more, they can kind of be more aware of just like, oh, this is who I am, this is how I look themselves more they can kind of be more aware of just like, oh, this is who I am, this is how I look. Um, I don't know that that's true for everybody. It's just what I'm seeing with my daughter and her friends.
Speaker 1:But, um, but then again, to see all the people who are on social media just always selling the products like it's going to be the thing that helps them, and then to see the girls and respond to that, which is that's hard too, cause you know that's, that's not true, dude. That's not going to be true. Yeah, but the young ones don't know that. No, they don't, yeah they do, they do.
Speaker 2:And we were my daughter and I were having this conversation last night and she said I want to. I want to come on the podcast and talk about this. You know, this body positivity. People don't feel that way anymore. Things have changed. There's like an anthropological connection. She told me to think how maybe society has become more conservative politically and that there's data out there that you know trends have shifted in terms of body image, in terms of clothing, throughout the decades, depending on what's happening in our political universe, which I thought was very fascinating.
Speaker 1:And I could see how that's true Totally.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, and one thing you I mean. So I thought that was really interesting. She was like it's not like that, she's like skinny is is in. Yeah again, and I was like I was like crap. But I mean in terms of body positivity. I was like, oh, my god, your generation so lucky, just to like be okay with who you are. And then she's like yeah, that's out. I'm like what? Ah, I dare you to come back I know exactly.
Speaker 1:You know it's just. I don't think that that would ever stop. If you think about it just, there's too many trends and it just keeps over. You know, you look back in history, you're right, you said that yeah yeah, back and forth, back and forth. So and I wanted us to change it will back to the other thing.
Speaker 2:You just got so close into something. Well, that's the thing.
Speaker 1:I was just thinking about that because you know it's still, there's still more plus size clothes out there and you know we're talking about that more. And there's we. It's still better than the eighties and the seventies, when you know, when we grew up, where that wasn't even a choice in the stores, right, um, and everyone was so tied to that number, uh, so I feel like that is still, no matter what, getting better because it's there, right. So, like I even tell this has nothing to do with about body positivity per se, but like I was telling my son, we no one even talked about sexuality when I was younger and we talk about that way more now. So I think the needle is still moving towards a positive place.
Speaker 2:It's just trends keep going back and forth Los Angeles and you're from here is just the presence of how you're sort of image image. You're bombarded by images, not just OK, of course, other people, social media, you're another.
Speaker 1:Sure.
Speaker 2:Many states, parts of the world.
Speaker 1:Yes, totally get it here You're also seeing it.
Speaker 2:Los Angeles is Bus stop. Yes, yeah, that kind of thing. And so how do you? It's one thing to say, oh, the image has been manipulated, but what happens when the image is also walking down the street?
Speaker 1:So exactly from the people to the billboards, to the TV. Yeah yeah, the LA is a little bit special that way. I don't think I've ever been anywhere where it's quite that much. But because I have moved out and whenever I go back to visit my family, that's when I'm like, oh wow. I'm reminded each time how much.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you're right. It's interesting for me. I'm a lifelong Angelina. I don't think I notice it so much anymore. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I think I notice on the extremes. I mean, one of the things I kind of see out there and you know this isn, you know, hairstyles, clothing styles. You know like I personally don't. You know that's not interesting to me, I'm not interested in like that clone-like look. You don't find that you know unique, um, but I, I'm seeing that out in the world a little bit more than I remember seeing it. Definitely, one of the things she says in the book is that your physical form is not the gatekeeper to your happiness. You're more than your body.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I don't think people think of that Right, so she may have this as an exercise out there. I know she has like a thought tracking sort of exercise which Beth and I probably, as coaches, dole out, give out to our clients as well which is like tracking your negative thoughts about your body specifically here, but just to see and assess your whole life.
Speaker 1:You know how are you doing in other places as well, because it's not. You're not going to be judged just by your look. How do you show up actually as a person to your friends? You know your family. You know you know your family. You know who, who are you. You know as the package, yeah, I don't think people really spend the time looking at the whole package and then they not saying all people, but we, we're pulled into just a appearance. Like you said, if it's taking up one third, yeah, yeah, of our judgment about ourselves.
Speaker 2:I love that she also says in the book that your physical appearance is a singular, not very interesting aspect of yourself.
Speaker 1:I remember yes.
Speaker 2:I've really that really worked for me totally.
Speaker 2:And you know some of the other. You asked like what kind of hit me? There were some other things, like you know avoiding and chasing. She says these are like coping strategies people use avoiding, which is like hiding You're wearing makeup, you're wearing a outfit that you know covers a certain flaw, someone stands in front of you in in a photo, etc. And then chasing, which is running away from things, running away from beach experiences, places where your hair doesn't look good, you know, in the wind, the rain, you know it's.
Speaker 2:It's like curating the narrative of how you look yep and mostly, like some people, are doing it for what other people think about them, but mostly it's it's about your relationship with yourself and what you think. Yeah, which is all there comes back to us comparing ourselves to this beauty standard and how are we doing in comparison to it and, if we're not enough, how that's impacting our self-esteem etc.
Speaker 1:And how you show up and then you won't go out Exactly.
Speaker 2:I relate to that. You won't go do the fun stuff. I totally relate to that You're just hiding. Yeah, I did that when I was in my early 20s.
Speaker 1:You did.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's such a bummer, right yeah.
Speaker 1:I also do like what she said, just to take a little bit of a pivot here, which is um, just be like gosh. I thought I wrote it down, I just can't find it for some reason. But basically her point was just because you don't love your body doesn't mean you can't respect it, right. Like. Just because you might not like your belly doesn't mean you should't respect it, Right. Like. Just because you might not like your belly doesn't mean you should go beat up the rest of your body, right. Just because, and just because you might want a nose job, let's say, doesn't mean that you don't also love your body. It's just really how you're coming at it, right. If you think that it's going to fix everything, make everything better, like we were talking about earlier, no, that's probably not the way you should go about that, right? So I thought that was really important to say to like you, you can respect your body, do all the right things, but maybe you don't like your stretch marks. It's okay, it's okay.
Speaker 2:Right, I love that, just don't beat yourself about it About it Right. I love that that, you know. No, not everyone's going to love every single part of it.
Speaker 1:That doesn't mean it's body confidence.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and we don't need a love letter to ourselves about our body because, realistically, you're not going to love everything. Yeah, I like that. One of the things I really like that she says is like as an exercise is practice, like some affirmations that go beyond your looks Like, so really keying in to the rest of you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2:I'm valuable because I'm kind, creative, resilient, whatever it is. Not just about that. I'm valuable because of how I look.
Speaker 1:Yeah Listen, we all know someone really really good looking. That's probably not the nicest person.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Right, so it's not in there or they may not be happy. It's like, oh so, and money is the same thing. Just because you have a lot of money, that doesn't always bring happiness. Like there's these weird things that we think are going to make our lives so much better and it doesn't. There's the rest of our lives and who we are, that we have to make sure we're also, you know, cultivating at the same time. Yeah, yeah, what else?
Speaker 2:did?
Speaker 1:she say this was a good book there was a lot to tease through.
Speaker 2:I mean one thing you know that we you and I talk about in coaching, and we talk about with our clients too is is how these messages show up and get stuck in our thoughts, these negative messages you know, like. So you know like I need this. You know to make my face look better. I need this like product, or this service, or I need a lash lift, or you know what I need these things, that these services I possibly need that will make myself, or exercises, or foods or vitamins, or you know, surgeries or you name it.
Speaker 2:They copying to them solidifies the negative messages in your subconscious. Yeah, you know, it doesn't let it. It doesn't free you from it. In fact, I feel like following these things actually tethers you more than than allows you to let it go.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:So what do you think about that?
Speaker 1:I totally agree and I just want to make sure I'm clear with what was that clear?
Speaker 1:That's what I was trying to think Like it's so being tethered to like these negative thoughts. Is that what you're saying? Yes, yeah, yeah, and I do. You know I don't want to give away too much of the book either, because I want everyone to go read it as well, but she does have a lot of great exercises in there. Just, I thought, were like interesting to do, fun to do and would actually reveal a lot for you as the reader if you're wanting to work on this part of yourself.
Speaker 1:Some things that I think, even like we said with the other exercise, with the capturing your negative thought patterns, that stuff that Beth and I even have as homework for other people. So, again, I think this book for me it wasn't just all about positive affirmations. It wasn't all just. You know she's it. I love that.
Speaker 1:She said um, just because we want to work on a part of our body body doesn't mean that we don't love our body, that our body isn't, you know, great, like you can be confident, but not like a part of your body too. That's fine, right. There are places, even in our other parts of our lives, that we want to work on, but that doesn't mean that we're a bad person, right? So, whatever it is, um, like on a relationship or on ourselves with money or whatever just because we have a place that we need to work on Again doesn't mean that we're bad. She goes through media stuff, she goes through history stuff, she goes through all those things and tools and I think I'm now repeating myself, but I really did enjoy the book and again not trying to say too much because I do I think this is a worth a read.
Speaker 2:I agree. I was just gonna say is there an exercise you that stood out to you, that you thought shit, I'm gonna do that I hadn't thought about it.
Speaker 1:Well, you know what I I really like, uh, I'm writing, I wrote this one down. Um, it's one that we give out, but I just liked her the way she did the four steps it was with.
Speaker 1:You know, I keep mentioning about the thought of you know, tracking what you're uh thinking, right, and she was just look my always good page, right, but she was talking about for three days to track and write down the triggers that made you have like a negative body statement, right. And then you're going to write what the trigger was, the exact phrase that you used, like maybe you said, oh, I looked enormous. Or if you looked in the mirror and you said to yourself, if you were prettier, then you probably would someone would have already bought you a drink by now, or something you know. And then what was your response? Well, maybe it was an emotion. Maybe you canceled an invitation. Maybe you know what did you do because of that. And then you want to take the three days of you know all that information and take a look at the themes you know of what came out, and then, to sit and think of your comebacks Like what do you need to start telling yourselves when you catch those thoughts to you know?
Speaker 1:stop being so mean to yourself. Maybe it's something like you know. It's not my job to look skinny and cool. I deserve to wear such and such because it feels good on me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I like that. I think it looks good on me Right.
Speaker 1:So just you know, beth and I are very much into collecting data. So on our thoughts and you know, whatever, whatever the data may be, but this is definitely specifically on these negative thoughts on your body, really seeing how, why they came up and then doing something about it afterwards and put that into practice.
Speaker 2:I love that. Yeah, I mean, we do that in our coaching practices and it's phenomenally helpful. It's a game changer. If you do it, it is a game changer.
Speaker 1:It really is yeah. And then if you have like a good buddy or someone that, if you can't see how to come back, what you, what else you would say to yourself that you know someone that you could be that vulnerable with and they can help you too?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love that. Um, I think, um, I feel like we're winding up time-wise. I think I feel like we're winding up time wise, but I can't tell. I was going to say one thing about this book is it is not toxic body positivity, so don't worry if anybody's out there going. Oh, yeah, yeah yeah, love my body. I've heard it and I don't, so, therefore, this isn't that. This really is not that which I loved.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you know what she? I want to tell everybody darn it, I didn't. It didn't save there. But she does have a Instagram account and it's called body beautiful book, um, which I thought was really, really cute.
Speaker 2:I looked it up. Did you go to it I?
Speaker 1:did. I went to it and I'm like, oh my gosh, I have some friends who are following. How funny Um did not know, and she has this one, uh posts that says body positive is, as here's, like a quote from someone who's being body positive. I feel good about myself because I know I'm beautiful and she actually translates that over to body neutral and that's where she thinks that everyone should go to, which is how I feel about myself. Has nothing to do with my appearance Interesting, right. So I thought these were kind of like you said interesting and she's got some. She's got a few of these that I thought were kind of cool. You said interesting and she's got some. She's got a few of these that I thought were kind of cool to start thinking about.
Speaker 2:Right, like you just said, it's not about that whole toxic body, it's like blah, not all that it's just about, yeah, yeah, being neutral about your body yeah, well as and we know as coaches neutral is, it is actually positive because negative, because realistic is negative for the most part.
Speaker 1:One more time, say that one more time like whoa, what you just hit me with right there well, if you think of, because being um being realistic is actually generally negative.
Speaker 2:I know I had some confetti on that one and being neutral would be then be positive.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I'm thinking about that. Being realistic is negative, but being neutral is positive.
Speaker 2:I have to chew on that one for a second. Okay, see what you think.
Speaker 1:Come back to me on that one.
Speaker 2:You don't have to buy it, but.
Speaker 1:That's cool, though I've got a, I love being left with cool thoughts. Now to go deep down rabbit diving Is that rabbit hole?
Speaker 2:I like rabbit diving. Rabbit diving is so fun.
Speaker 1:If you've never tried that, go do it, have fun with that Thanks.
Speaker 2:Thanks for listening.
Speaker 1:Thanks for listening. Yeah, if anybody has any thoughts on it.
Speaker 2:Please get in touch with us on. Leave us a note on Spotify, exactly, and go read the book. Yeah, read the book Beyond Beautiful by Anoushka Reese. We'll talk to you later.
Speaker 1:See ya Next time, next time.