Getting used to it, Midlife
Getting Used to It, Midlife is a show hosted by two executive life coaches, Beth & Suzee, who are also expert friends and are both getting used to midlife. From empty nesting and aging parents to painful sex, and let’s not forget the extra lubrication, we will sift through all of it, speaking our truth faithfully and vulnerably. Listen as we live through this in ourselves and our relationships in real time and tease through the “how to” of this next phase of life. As coaches, we have the tools, but as women in the middle, we may not have all the answers. Scratch that— we’ll have some damn good ideas, too. Join us, and let’s get used to it together!
Getting used to it, Midlife
Getting Used To It: Murder Shows and Magnesium: Everyone's Sleep Needs Are Different
Sleep shouldn’t be this hard—especially in midlife.
Why do we start waking at 3 AM in our 50s? Are we worrying ourselves into insomnia? Beth and Suzee share personal stories, surprising science, and practical strategies—from hormone shifts and snoring spouses to wearable sleep trackers and midnight journaling. Tune in for real talk, curious experiments, and the reminder that sleep solutions are personal. Join the conversation and share what’s helped you.
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Stay connected, stay curious, and we’ll see you next time!
Beth Halper Susie what the F.
Speaker 2:Why aren't we sleeping, or are we?
Speaker 1:I mean I am sleeping now, but at 61, when I was 55 and going through menopause well, actually right before that leading up to it I was really struggling. It wasn't that I couldn't fall asleep, but I couldn't, but I would wake up between three and five every night and nothing would put me back.
Speaker 2:Yikes. If you guys haven't figured it out. We're talking about insomnia today. What about you?
Speaker 1:What's your experience?
Speaker 2:with insomnia. I not much, to be honest. I think I had a long long time ago. I mean, I think this is like teens, but I don't even know if it was insomnia or just stress Is that part of it? And then I couldn't sleep. I think that's part of it.
Speaker 2:You know all that stuff, but ever since then not. I may have had another little bout like when the kids were little and there was just so much and I just couldn't go to sleep. My sleep was really off and everything. But to me it sounds all like part of life. But what piqued my interest with this topic was my mom for so long has been just saying, you know, she can't go to sleep. She wakes up about you know two o'clock in the morning and then can't go back to sleep If it is, and it's not until about 530 or six when it's about time to wake up anyway. But she's been going through this for a long time and I was wondering, is it? And then you hear that I feel like I hear that from so many people as they age. So I was just really curious what is happening? Why do we have to do this as we get older?
Speaker 1:So much work, that sleep thing I was going to say. The vision you're presenting and I just want to check it with you is lights out, lights on. You're dead asleep. From the lights off to the lights on you lucky.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I just need a little sound because my husband snores. So I have a little earbud reading me a story and then I'm out until I have to pee and then you go right back. I go right back to sleep. If I can't, I put a little sound again and then I'm out.
Speaker 1:But that doesn't typically happen, yeah, okay. And when you put the sound in like, how long is that for?
Speaker 2:Oh, I don't even remember.
Speaker 1:It's probably if it's longer than a minute.
Speaker 2:I'm out, it's just this beautiful little voice talking, I'm out.
Speaker 1:Yep, I read or heard a podcast I can't even remember where with a guy named Brian Johnson. He runs the company Blueprint, where he's sort of using his own body to work on longevity. I don't know if you've heard about him, but one thing he said. I remember this distinctly and not something I've ever done, and I doubt most people do do it, I have to say, but one of his like no-goes like his, you know, can't not do this every day is goes to bed at 830 and he wakes up at 430. His non-negotiables, in other words, yes, has to do that. If there's a party, you know he's still home in bed at 830. Um, and and sleep, he said, was one of his non-negotiables, that he does not move, sleep for other things Right, whereas I have found my whole life I've moved. Sleep for other things.
Speaker 2:Right what things.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, if there's a party, if I watched it, if I was watching something. I don't adhere to 1030 to 730 and no negotiating. Then you have kids. You're up all hours of the night. You're like a flip and shift worker.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what I'm saying. When they're younger, you just I don't feel like you have control of that. So you're just trying very hard to get four to eight hours of sleep in there, right. So so I think it's difficult when they're young, um, and then again probably as they get older, because now they're driving, and you then again probably as they get older, because now they're driving and you're freaking out. But you know there's different phases of life. Frightening. Oh yeah, Yours is learning to drive now.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes so. Don't scare me.
Speaker 2:Sorry, I'm just kidding, that never happens. But I think, with different stressors and everything in life, right. But again, I'm not sure that my mom was stressed. Maybe you know she may not know who knows, or it's not really you know apparent what the stresses are. But my dad too, my father-in-law, my mother, like it just seems to be this um, normal patterning as people age and their kids are out of the house and they're retired. Um, it doesn't mean you don't have stresses, but uh, it just seems to be a thing. And um, everything I looked up and read does say contribute some of this to perimenopause and menopause, the hormonal shifts and all that as well. But you know, I'm also noticing it for guys too, you know, my husband definitely goes through it as well.
Speaker 1:They have hormones. They have hormones Menopause for sure.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Maybe not in the same. They're not as finessed as we are in terms of the hormone needs and output. But yeah, my husband also suffers from sleeplessness.
Speaker 2:insomnia two to four in the morning, yeah, you know he's he's awake, trying to get himself back to sleep and that is tough, especially when you have everything saying seven to eight hours of sleep, yeah, get it. So I wonder if there's even stress around that, because that's, I think, there really is stress around that.
Speaker 1:I mean and this experience, this with my daughter you know you need to get nine hours. You need those nine hours. When she was little and she was always coming in at like eight and a half, you know, everybody else was sleeping till 10 and a half.
Speaker 1:She was always like 30 minutes or shy of whatever the you know norms for her age group and I think it gave her stress. I think my talking about it like you need to get your nine hours or whatever, stressed her, you know, and I know that my husband is stressed and that's adding to it too, because he's like I'm supposed to be sleeping right now and I'm not.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so I wonder if we all have our own unique circadian rhythm. I'm sure there's a bunch of science and podcasts that already talk about this, but I wonder how you find out your actual number, like what does Beth need? What does Susie actually need?
Speaker 1:And it can't be all the same or is it I know that's a really that when I was listening to you right then I was thinking like wait, is there like bespoke hours for me? That are different from you to you.
Speaker 2:I mean, if our diets are going to be a little bit different because your body is one way than my, than me, then why wouldn't sleep have that same?
Speaker 1:That's pretty fascinating. I don't know when are we going to get the answer to that Cause. I don't know why did.
Speaker 2:I bring up this question Because now and then now we don't have the answer.
Speaker 1:Call in, call in. Call in. Right now we're have the answer. Call in, call in. If you know, call in. Right now we're gonna do some radio show that just shows how old I am exactly 411 for information. Remember those days, remember that yeah, geez yes yeah, here in los angeles we even had the time you remember yes, you're from here, you come from all the time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all the time.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh yeah, all these like weather I feel like we had a weather one too. Was it like five, five, five, and then the last four numbers could be? Any numbers, yes, and then it would be like the tone the time will be is my gosh you're 50, you have some sleeplessness, which is a rarity for you. You've got sort of like a tool you lean on.
Speaker 2:Yes, and so my husband snores. So I do want to say that he does snore. So if I am up for anything, it is because he's snoring that I can't get to sleep. When he's on a business trip Wow, I'm just out all night. It's beautiful actually. Why do we not sleep in different rooms? I don't know.
Speaker 1:I appreciate, I appreciate you To keep the marriage bed together.
Speaker 2:We're, we're trying, we're trying. My parents snore so badly they do have to sleep different, I mean but I agree, I do not I can hear them from. I remember hearing them from all over the house. I'm like I do not know how they do that, so that was, I think, very smart on them.
Speaker 1:And how did you find the recording that you listened to? I mean, was it trial and error? Something recommended?
Speaker 2:what well, I'm sure this is not good, but remember back in the day when we had those little tvs that you could like, the little tvs that you could carry around and plug in and you can watch like little black and white ones. Yeah well, I had one of those and I'd fall asleep to it on.
Speaker 1:A nine inch.
Speaker 2:Yeah, One of those little itty bitty things. Yeah, Because I remember I used to read to go to bed and then I would never go to sleep because I'd stay up all night reading. I was one of those kids and then. So I remember thinking I cannot read anymore, but I needed something right that my mind could like kind of noodle on or something, and it was like it has to be just boring enough but just interesting enough, and then I'm basically nodding off. It can't be a meditation. It can't be like I'm going to read you to sleep. It's not like that. That won't help me. I'm not sure why, but if I put on a documentary Law and Order, something about murder, I'm out Interesting.
Speaker 1:Yeah Something about murder.
Speaker 2:I'm out Bill of my husband's just like, oh my God, what is happening?
Speaker 1:Do you choose something different each time, or do you have like a podcast you listen to, or what is it exactly?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have, I just choose something different each time I'll just kind of scroll and go. This one looks quasi boring, yeah. And then I I see the time and says about an hour, so that if I happen to get up again, it's still kind of the time and says about an hour, so that if I happen to, get up again it's still kind of coming at me, but I'm out. I'm typically just out. Love it.
Speaker 1:I know I recently, I mean when I was struggling with insomnia. I mean, I've had periods throughout my life, you know, and I think stress definitely played a part. I remember in my 30s, in my previous career, I would have like a stimulating interaction with someone and I'd come home and my brain was just on the hamster wheel ruminating its way through.
Speaker 1:And then this, and what if I said that and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and it was really difficult to deal with that. And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and it was really difficult to deal with. At that time I found a homeopathic that could kind of knock that down. Um, I've used different tools throughout time, based on you know what was going on. But, like I said, when I was in perimenopause there was just reading. That was the right I literally had to. Okay, it's three, so when I get to five I'll start to yawn, but nothing worked. And I tried things. Um, yeah, you know, I um. So now I'm back to being, you know, my good sleeper self, as I have always been. But I I kind of wondered if my recently, if my sleep was like on the lighter side. I know people are wearing, you know, aura rings and whoops.
Speaker 2:They're, yeah, doing a lot of wearables, um, to figure this out.
Speaker 1:But I was just kind of going off of. I seem to keep waking up at six 30 and I like can't go past it and I need. I need more hours, right, yeah, so I, I just found a kind of a, um, a theta brain, I think it's. I don't know even if it's theta Delta. It's one of those brainwave ish things from a company called sacred acoustics and I put it on when I go to sleep and I sleep in a deeper way.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's nice. Yeah, that's very cool. So so not that's nice that you found a tool as well, yeah, reading.
Speaker 1:Reading can do it too. I mean reading can get me to nod off yeah not non-fiction. If I read non-fiction, forget it I'm up, but if I read fiction. I don't know why it's so funny, so silly, but I will start. My eyes will start closing like within about five minutes. Um, but I couldn't deepen it that way. I could just get to sleep. But the deepening was where I wanted to work on it on my sleep.
Speaker 1:So that's where I'm using this. You know piece of audio and it seems to it starts out with waves crashing and I don't know what happens the rest of the hour.
Speaker 2:Right, right, right, right. Well, I have to say, cause you did bring up the wearables, I did do the aura for a little bit and it was interesting. I mean it's a no brainer that when I drink I didn't sleep well. But sometimes I think people think it'll help you go to sleep because you get so tired or whatever. But of course that's definitely no right. And my husband was wearing one as well and he saw the pattern where whenever he had red meat at night, sleep was bad. Oh, interesting.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I should get my husband that for father's day yeah, so it's just like when, when you start tagging the things and you start noticing like, yeah, what's off?
Speaker 2:yep, you know. And then, um, and he tried cb, cbd for sleep as well. Great, he gets great sleep. I do not Any kind of like, any kind of drug I'm air quoting here like anything that's supposed to help you sleep melatonin, sleep aid, whatever I get the worst sleep Isn't that weird.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's weird. Lately I'm hitting, lately I've been trying magnesium because there's a lot of a body of work out there, I think amongst like, the Stacey Sims and the like female oriented science says that, um, magnesium is great for sleep, so I I've taken it on and off, so I kicked that back in.
Speaker 2:So, and it would be magnesium glycinate because-.
Speaker 1:Glycinate. Thank you, things of magnesium one will make you poop.
Speaker 2:You don't want that one. That's citrate. Don't get that one.
Speaker 2:That's citrate. Don't do that one If you don't want to Glycinate, glycinate. So I took glycinate and up all night, I had Alex take glycinate because she wasn't feeling well and I was, you know, you hear glycinate, it's going to help you sleep. Blah, blah, blah. She took it. She's the same as me. We were both. She's like were you trying to kill me? She was up all night and like, coming down with a cold or whatever. So it was one of the worst nights ever. My son, my husband out, yeah, so we will never touch that again. I hear it's because there is a reasoning behind it. What is it? What it was? Um, it's something about you may not already have enough magnesium or something like that.
Speaker 1:Uh, but we were probably have too much magnesium or maybe it's too much magnesium.
Speaker 2:Whatever way it was, we did not enjoy that evening, so we're not willing, unless there's a party to go to and we need to stay up. We're just not willing. That's crazy, yeah, that's crazy. We were up and we've heard afterwards. We researched it. It does happen to some people, so don't be surprised.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:So I won't try it on other people in my family. I'll just use it for myself or just let them know.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, you get all the magnesium glycinate then yeah, well, I'm just thinking that, like, maybe I'm not the same as them, you know, like, yeah, I sleep with you.
Speaker 2:So yeah, yeah, yeah, obviously, obviously. Yeah, we're all different. We're all very different, and when I was researching insomnia it, you know, I did see that the of course the hormonal changes are do contribute to insomnia. But I just wanted to say that I learned that estrogen does help with our body temperature, and so you know those hot flashes and things like that. So when it's hot we have a harder time sleeping, and so you know, those hot flashes and things like that.
Speaker 1:So when it's hot, we have a harder time sleeping, et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker 2:So that makes sense, right. Then progesterone, I guess, is a natural sleep aid.
Speaker 1:I heard that. I heard that this week I did yeah this progesterone is amazing.
Speaker 2:I feel like it helps with so many things.
Speaker 1:So many things. It's a busy body out there From like as coaches, right? We're, you know, talking to our clients and I'm sure you've had people that have sleep issues. What do you say from a coaching?
Speaker 2:perspective like how to help someone with their insomnia. Yeah, first thing is, you know, what I typically say is I want to know what they're worried about. Same, and if there are any worries that are getting in the way, right, and then go from there and then just see if you start to deal with the worries, the conversations or whatever it is, then if the sleep does get better and if that isn't helping, I typically also just ask like have you been to the doctor? Like do you?
Speaker 1:know where you are.
Speaker 2:Yeah, baseline Is there anything you're missing, you know, go there first, anyways, and then, with you and me, we'll work on this other aspect, and so I'll take it from that perspective.
Speaker 1:I'm not a doctor, yes, no, neither am I and that's exactly what I do too, like what are you up thinking about? What do you? You know what was going on in the day, and often I'll just say like let's just empty the contents of your mind before you go to bed on paper and and let's see if that helps.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And some people, it doesn't it does. Yeah, for sure Some people that just say that, yeah, you know some people it does. So, um, I feel like there are a lot of great sleep strategies out there, but not to worry if they're not fitting you, and I do have a friend who did the whole sleep study thing where they actually went and slept, yeah, out of place, and then they did the whole study on him and found out he does have sleep apnea.
Speaker 2:So then that was another thing. So what I also think for a lot of our issues is go at it in many different ways. Like go really be a detective, right, it's okay. There's not one formula.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's sort of like the spoke, a spoke focus. You know what I mean. Like a spoke on a wheel, right, there's so many different, you know you. You need to see what works for you. It's not a one-size-fits-all it could be a couple of things. You could be emptying the contents of your mind and you know taking something, or you know listening to something, or you know there's a lot of different ways to go at it.
Speaker 2:There's so many different ways. Yeah, circadian rhythms Blackout curtains, blackout curtains. You know, what we got that has been very helpful to me is that clock that gets brighter and brighter as you're alarmed, so it's almost like you're waking up with the sun.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, really helpful to wake up. What feels more natural as well and not so jarring, and you know, and I feel like that's really helped. Again, I don't have insomnia problems, but as far as waking up, um, it just doesn't feel, like I said, jarring, it just feels like I've naturally gone up with the sun and I'm ready for the day. That sounds a little bit too much Cheesy.
Speaker 1:It's a bit cheesy, I'm quasi I'm more ready for the day than that. Yeah, I try to wake. I mean, I do have an alarm, but I just I do my best to try to just have it like a natural wake up. I am very attuned to any light that enters the room, like which was part of how to sleep past 6 00 am, you know, or 6 40, or whenever the sun's coming up, because as soon as it comes up I can even with my blackout curtains.
Speaker 2:I'm like oh, do you see that little bit of light?
Speaker 1:oh yeah, wow um, and then I know people that you know my daughter has full light in her room and she's like I keep waking up at eight. You know like I want to sleep. And I'm like it's probably because it's too bright in there.
Speaker 2:It's so bright, but till eight is still wow. Yeah, pretty cool when you're young, when you're young.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I would say, if you are having insomnia, there's a few different ways to go about it. There are definitely more tools than what Beth and I talked about, and actually I would love to hear what everybody else uses too. If you find something working, please, please, put that in the comments, because I would love to read up on those tools and use them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know when the time comes. Yeah, yeah, I mean certainly people have graver issues with sleep than you and. I are reporting that we're experiencing and, yeah, there's so much science out there and there's so many tools to try and you maybe are not going to know in a night if something's right for you.
Speaker 2:Absolutely Of course not.
Speaker 1:You know you might have to give it your own study of a week, two weeks. Keep some data, yep, you know. Yeah, yeah, blackout curtains, blackout curtains, morning light, alarm clock thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah, blackout curtains, blackout curtains, morning light, alarm clock thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, nine inch TV screens.
Speaker 1:Blue blocking lights. You know some people everything you read about having like a specific wind down and don't have your computer on or your television or devices you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, try them. Give them a try if you're having a hard time and Let us know how you're doing. Yeah, Thanks for listening. Thanks for listening. Talk to you later. Bye, bye, susie. See you, beth.