Getting used to it, Midlife
Getting Used to It, Midlife is a show hosted by two executive life coaches, Beth & Suzee, who are also expert friends and are both getting used to midlife. From empty nesting and aging parents to painful sex, and let’s not forget the extra lubrication, we will sift through all of it, speaking our truth faithfully and vulnerably. Listen as we live through this in ourselves and our relationships in real time and tease through the “how to” of this next phase of life. As coaches, we have the tools, but as women in the middle, we may not have all the answers. Scratch that— we’ll have some damn good ideas, too. Join us, and let’s get used to it together!
Getting used to it, Midlife
Getting Used To It: Tracing The Threads Of Purpose
Ever felt like everyone else got the memo about their life's purpose except you? You're not alone. In this episode, we explore how purpose isn't something you find—it's something you create. We share how most of us don’t have a single, dramatic “aha” moment, but instead piece it together over time. Beth talks about how her natural pull toward building community has quietly shaped her path, while Suzee reflects on her lifelong fascination with human behavior and creative expression as signs of a purpose that was there all along.
We also explore how legacy, creativity, and connection often emerge as meaningful themes in midlife, and how revisiting your old bucket list can reveal what truly matters now. The biggest shift? Realizing purpose evolves. It doesn’t have to be one fixed calling. If you’re feeling unsure or just curious about what’s next, this episode offers a more grounded, flexible way to think about living with purpose—one that grows with you.
Thanks for tuning in to this episode of Getting Used To It!
If you enjoyed today’s conversation, please consider subscribing, rating, and leaving us a review—it helps others discover the show! We’d also love to hear your thoughts, so drop us a comment or connect with us on social media.
Stay connected, stay curious, and we’ll see you next time!
Hi and welcome to Getting Used To it where Susie and Beth, two life coaches in the thick of midlife ourselves, where everything's a little weird, occasionally hilarious and a lot unexpected.
Speaker 2:If you're wondering whether you're the only one Googling hobbies for adults, wrinkling emptiness and dealing with shifting hormones, you are not alone. We're here to navigate this wild chapter of life with you, so let's go. Hi Susie, hi Beth.
Speaker 1:How you doing. Should we do this?
Speaker 2:Let's do it. Susie has a big, important event to go to when we're done recording and she's going to get glammed out. You know what we need to ask Susie Uh-oh, is there that tweak you're going to make to when we're done recording and she's going?
Speaker 1:to get glammed out.
Speaker 2:You know what we need to ask Susie Uh-oh, Is there that tweak you're going to make to this outfit that reflects your authentic style? Because that's something we talked a few episodes ago we did.
Speaker 1:The truth is, this whole dress is probably my authentic style, and they're just going to have to deal.
Speaker 2:I need photos, I need photographic proof, I want to see it All right. So here we are, and today on the podcast, do you?
Speaker 1:want to say what we're talking about. Yeah, balls in my court, and this is about purpose, everyone, how you define purpose. I think there's a general definition and kind of a broad definition of how people define purpose when asked, but then we're going to narrow it down to and we'll talk about that, and then we're going to narrow it down to like how you specifically define purpose.
Speaker 2:So, of course, by Beth and I sharing how we specifically define purpose for our own selves, which means Susie's going to have a really good idea how she defines it and Beth is going to grapple around and by the end of the podcast she'll have narrowed hers down Is that how this is going to go. I feel like that's how things go with us.
Speaker 1:That's so funny.
Speaker 2:I love it Okay me, school me, girl school me. Is that what happens?
Speaker 1:I don't feel that that's the way it happens. I learned so much from you, beth halpern. Oh, I learned equal, equal, all right, so I know you have the definition.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I thought this would be a good. I mean, what do you think? Do you think we should start with, like what it means to us and then tell everybody the definition to just sort of center the conversation or go the other way?
Speaker 1:I feel like let's start with the definition, just center it, and then we can go play on the word oh, I love it.
Speaker 2:Okay. So, um, purpose is, uh, that sense of direction, that meaning, your deep reason why you do what you do, beyond tasks and goals. It's the driving force behind the decisions you make, the behaviors you take, your aspirations. It's how you get fulfilled, feel significant, connected to something larger than yourself, ourselves. And the thing I loved most was it can evolve over time and should. Yeah, that's the definition. Let's play.
Speaker 1:Okay, play time, okay. So I love that last part that you said about how it should evolve over time and it does evolve over time. Because I would have to say, like when we were talking about this, that's the one thing that kind of hit me the most. I was like, can I even pin it down? Because I feel like I've been like so swirly about it. I mean, I know what I, what I feel, that I know what my purpose is now. But I almost thought, like is it wrong? Because it was so different like five years ago, like what's wrong with me? Does that mean I'm like too chameleon? Do I even know? Am I even clear?
Speaker 2:But the truth is it does, cause we get older, we learn more about ourselves during the process and I think our purpose does get more and more clear or shift as we age clients and I get this from my clients all the time but this was truly how I felt, that, like one day, I meant to wake up and the answer will be have been bestowed upon me in the night.
Speaker 2:I used to call it like, and the divining rod told me exactly what I meant to be doing with my life. And guess what it didn't. I looked around at some people in my life who really just were so clear and like, so driven towards what they wanted to do and were doing it, whereas I I think you used the word grapple, or I did I I just always felt like, okay, well, I'm on, I'm on this raft, and then I moved on to that raft yep, you know. And now I'm on another raft, and you know, perhaps, on to that raft. Yep, you know, and now I'm on another raft and you know, perhaps this is the way I get down the Nile for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I, I read something. What were you going to say? You look like you were going to say something.
Speaker 1:No, I, I will. I was just going to say that. Oh, it just slipped. But I think it was something about the fact that people and people do it differently. And I think some people just know, like they just they're, yeah, I'm gonna be a doctor, and then they really follow that path and they do it and they love it and, yeah, that is their purpose.
Speaker 2:And then we've got beth's and suzy's right, I and and I think it's really illuminating and I, and I'm sure people know this, now that you know the beth'ss and Susies that didn't wake up with ding dong you're a doctor or a lawyer or musician or whatever that we're okay to, and actually there's more of us than there are of them I remember hearing oh my God, it must be 30 years ago or like 25 years ago some NPR piece and I never could find it. So obviously, obviously it was magic and just for my ears, um, some scientists I mean, this is long before we're, you know, talking about neuroscience in the, you know, public sphere. There was the conversation about, you know, most people, you're right, are like you and I. You're not meant to have a thing that you do and you're not meant to know always that that's the thing and you're not meant to necessarily wake up and feel that way. Yeah, and the people that do great for them and you know that. Nothing wrong with us, exactly.
Speaker 1:There's nothing wrong with us, with us, exactly. There's nothing wrong with us, beth.
Speaker 2:I know thank God. But yes, I'm so glad you confirmed that for us?
Speaker 1:Yay, yeah, yeah. So then how would you say you define purpose for you.
Speaker 2:Sigh, you know, still, I think what I need to come to terms with and, like, embrace that I have the I'm a seeker, you know, and I think I'm on a new mission that sounds so airy fairy, but I think I'm on a new mission to find, like, what the next, you know, a raft that takes me down the Nile is. Uh, raft that takes me down the Nile is, and I think I need to reflect back on some of what's got me to where I am right now, appreciate it and know that it wasn't necessarily meant to be forever. Yeah, you know, um, and I, I agree, I think purpose is, you know, I think I said to Susie before we started, like purpose and meaning, I get the two conflated and it sounds like, when I looked up the definition, meaning really lives under purpose. But yeah, you know, I think, finding what that is in this, you know, next chapter of life, I was going to call it the latter half, but that sounds really morbid.
Speaker 1:But in this next chapter.
Speaker 2:I don't mean it that way, but in this next chapter I'm searching, I'm trying to figure it out.
Speaker 1:Well, actually the fact that you said latter half of this life. I think I've actually been looking at life that way and it's been helpful because that is the truth. Like I'm close to you know we're midlife, right, but we're now leaning into the second half of the midlife. So it's like, okay, wait a minute. I want to be a little bit more clear and thoughtful and intentional with what I'm doing. So it doesn't mean I don't feel that I need to have like the ta-da hit me, like yes, this is my purpose and now I will go. You know, for me, I don't know that I want that. I kind of like the meandering journey, maybe it's the journey.
Speaker 2:Down the Nile.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but when I was thinking about this, I was I kind of boiled it down to like looking back in my life and seeing a theme about me, right, and so when I was younger, I would read all these books about people and the way they thought. I remember reading about gosh, who is the I will never remember her name, I would have to Google this but I remember hearing about um, this woman who had multiple personalities and she was like the first one that was diagnosed with that. So I remember reading a book about her, um, and then reading, like um, agatha Christie and Hercules Perot and like it. Just all these like, oh, these like detective stories and this mind stuff and the way people are like and I'm still doing that today, right. So like, oh, this is so interesting that there's this theme in my life actually.
Speaker 1:So maybe in some ways there is a bit of a purpose where I'm driven to do this, right, yeah, in this subconscious way. And then also creativity, right, like something with because so you know it's musician and and I just love whenever I'm like creating something. Even if it's something, I always think it's like geeky and grandmothery when I do my crochet. Every time I talk about that on this podcast. I know I'm going to bring that up. My grandma sport called crochet.
Speaker 2:But I think the kids are doing it, so you should just embrace that. It is not a grandma sport any longer?
Speaker 1:I should Totally. But there's something about just when I make things with my hands and I'm creating music or things, I feel very inspired, and that's always been that way since I was younger too. Like I just kind of go off in the dreamy space. I just like I get so motivated doing after doing something like that, and so, yeah, so I was just thinking like I I think I have this subconscious maybe purpose or it's something that's been kind of pulling me along that I just never realized till I had to think about this. For with with this uh topic today, um, so the way I think I would describe, uh, my purpose, it's more about like self-expression, creativity and like mass mastery. I'm always trying to like figure out more about the brain stuff, figure out more about like the creating and like getting better at it and stuff like that. So I don't know if that actually defines like purpose, but for me this seems to be what drives me, if that makes any sense.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's really interesting. I always forget that you're a musician. I know Was one of your parents a musician.
Speaker 1:You know what? Both of my parents are very creative. My mom played the organ. Her dad was a reverend and a minister and so at the churches that he would build in Korea, she was always playing the organ growing up and stuff like that. My dad, I think he sings like Elvis. Oh my God, that's so fantastic, that's so cool I always wanted to do.
Speaker 2:I mean I, let's go for aspiration for me, like I think I always. I mean music has always been so present in my life and I think you know, when I was younger I wished I was in, I could sing. It's funny.
Speaker 2:I was looking at my ancestry report the other day and it said and I sent a picture of this to my daughter, who is a musician and singer and haven't yet shown my husband, but he'll get a kick out of it but in my reports, my DNA report, it said likely to not be able to match pitch which is totally me and I sent it to my daughter because my husband, at one point when, when he was courting me, told me I was, you know, maybe that was true of me and and I felt so, you know, um, crushed, even though I was an adult and knew that I was never going to become a singer at that point anyways, um, but yeah, that's all creativity for has always been like an aspiration of mine, you know, like I was really driven to like make sure that when I raised my child, that she was really reaching into her imagination and wasn't, you know, in front of that, like I really felt, like I bought into, and I'm not sure if it's true or not that.
Speaker 2:You know, watching television as a child diminished your creativity. But you know now, when I hear people, writers of TV, talk about it, that they watch tons of TV and that actually informed their work yeah exactly, anyways, and yet I've never really.
Speaker 2:I mean, I did take piano lessons. I'm not a great musician, but I did. I took piano, so I wasn't really driven, but like where I've always really been driven is. I'm really curious about people, yeah, and their stories and why they think or do or feel what they do I really and so, interestingly enough, I'm in this profession as a coach.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Cause that's something I've always found fascinating. Why so? Why do you think that? Why do you think that happened? You know Exactly. So I suppose that's like a theme. If I look back in my life, that's been a theme and I love it, and then I think I need to pepper it with some other purpose.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think that's like the cool thing about purpose. Sometimes, I think, people think it's like magically in you somehow and then you've just got to find that, but you can create it right and then you can drive that, yeah, and see if that, if you like it right, I, I, yeah, I read something in doing a little research for the pod today an article by Christine Carter.
Speaker 2:She's an academic as well as coach and author at UC Berkeley, and she defined it as coming into one's own which means maturity is involved, that we don't find or discover our purpose, but we create it, yeah, which I found that liberating right From what I used to think and that it changes as we grow. It's not fixed, it's a journey and a practice we undertake throughout our lifespan. I totally agree with that. Yeah, I do too. I do too, and some of what you were saying earlier, when you were saying, like in this here we are in our second midlife, if you will, sounded a little bit like legacy you were getting at too, you know tell me more.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I say that because I think that is a thing, that word keeps popping up around me, and even because I'm writing a book about my family during the Korean War and people keep saying, man, you're so tied to your legacy. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, I didn't know that about myself till people keep just saying it to me.
Speaker 2:There was something that you said and I don't a few minutes ago, and I don't even remember what it was, but when, how you defined purpose that. I just thought she's talking about legacy, and that is legacy, and impact is a part of some people's destiny in terms of purpose, right, yeah, Creating something that outlasts you, yes.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I hear you doing that with your book, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and it's been so. It's been so important to me and I can't I know this sounds silly to say that I don't know why, because clearly it's my family and the history and stuff, but the way I've been drawn to it for so long and I'm always just I've read so much about the Korean War and not that I can retain any of this information Beth, Please help me but it's interesting that I'm so driven to do this. My brother's like cool For him.
Speaker 1:it's like oh yeah, no, tell me more about it when you learn, not his destiny.
Speaker 2:It's so fascinating. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So that's interesting that you're using the word destiny too. So tell me more about that. Why do you feel like you're using that word?
Speaker 2:Well, interesting, right, because if you create it how that I mean destiny sort of. The word destiny sort of says it's, you know, prescribed for you, you know right yeah and yes and we don't know, do we don't know?
Speaker 1:that's the truth yeah, which I find like that's another interesting topic we don't have to get into today. But but the what you were saying earlier too had me thinking of the word fate, right, because there is like people believe in fate and then destiny, and then are we and then are, but are we still creating within that? And it's such an interesting topic that I think is deeper than I, the more that you and I are talking about this. Now you can really peel back this onion like massively Right. So if you had to pick a couple purposes that you feel like Beth's, like, why'd you ask me this? I'm just like oh, shut up Hot seat.
Speaker 2:Ooh, my ass hurts right now.
Speaker 1:If you like, can you see or feel like what you maybe want to even lean into?
Speaker 2:yeah, I can see that some you know interesting because I don't know, the last couple days I was talking about, you know, like I think it kind of came, I think actually I was thinking it when you and I were were recording the other day our podcast about retirement, you know, and what that means to us.
Speaker 2:And in my mind, all of a sudden, like I jump cut, you know, and actually like you know your thoughts talking to you, I jump cut in my mind as we were chatting and I was like I want to open a coffee house and I remember I told you and I like have a, not an open mic night, but yeah, like an open poetry night and open performance night and I think always lean towards performance, because you know, I think, because my, my kid's a performer, you know, and but just like, and I just immediately think let's go back to another podcast where I talked about starting a book club. I mean, what do those themes having in common? Right, I mean, community is one of the themes, for sure, I think, providing something, providing something. You know, maybe it's providing community, maybe it's providing space, I'm not quite sure it's what you know which it is, but like, and then in.
Speaker 2:There is like a coming together yeah, quality yeah and that seems to be just like where my thoughts take me going there totally yeah, I mean, I even I think I told you like once upon a time I thought you know, oh, I should get my friends in town to come to like a coach's night. You can ask me questions. Other female professions, only women, sorry peeps. Um, you know, ask me questions. Other people open forum, like just a way to um energize women in my, our age range and like help lift up voices and provide, provide something for each other. And maybe this comes from the mother in me, you know. Um, but yeah, that's kind I think that's where I'm going, and yet it scares the crap out of me.
Speaker 1:And I, you know, I play small, you know, and do you feel like this is a big enough purpose where stepping out of small is going to be is worth it?
Speaker 2:Make me taller, make you big. Well, I think I going to be is worth it. Make me taller, make you big. Well, I think I have to try, right? I mean, isn't that what we would like if I were your client, if you were my client and this came up, that's absolutely what we would coach, right? You know you've got it. You can't say no to it unless you've tried it. I mean, you really can't Like, and what is the harm?
Speaker 1:really in this situation, yeah, especially if it's not like actually life-threatening. And you're saying you feel this is your purpose right. So all arrows are pointing towards community.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Right, right. And I mean, this is not like a money, this is not going to take me away from work, which is obviously, you know, I need to do for for my life, you know, and there's room for this as well.
Speaker 1:Yep Totally.
Speaker 2:So Do not give me an assignment right now.
Speaker 1:I was about to give you an assignment right now.
Speaker 2:I know you were. I could see the work written on your forehead.
Speaker 1:Well, it's the, it's the assignment that we keep giving each other at the end of all of our podcasts which is we're going to come back and tell you guys yeah Well, and I want to.
Speaker 2:I did speak. I talked about the book club idea with someone that runs the community center in my neighborhood and it didn't seem exactly. They already have a book club, while my ideas were different, not just a fiction club. But I'm not sure it's there and I need to not give up on it. I could throw it out to people I know, you know, and I haven't done that yet got it okay so by next week I'll have told one person or two, two okay, nice, yeah, perfect, okay. And what about?
Speaker 1:you what assignment should be yours.
Speaker 2:Okay, so by next week I'll have told one person or two, two Okay, nice yeah, perfect Okay. And what about you? What assignment should be yours?
Speaker 1:I'm doing it. No, just kidding I'm on that.
Speaker 2:It's funny because I Because I'm ahead of the curve.
Speaker 1:I'm just yeah, it's just my nature to be so rigid and excel spreadsheet that. Hobonichi, just really helps that Hobonichi? Just ups your game, man. I'm a dreamer lady.
Speaker 2:If that's what Hobonichi is, then that's why you're failing.
Speaker 1:No, just kidding.
Speaker 2:I'm the dreamer right.
Speaker 1:I'm like I'll get to it. It's the violinist in me. Math and order. Is that what we're talking about? Math and order? Excel spreadsheets practice one measure at a time, over, over, over again until it's perfect. Oh, also very Asian of me. Oh, my god.
Speaker 2:And, by the way, there is no perfect place that does not exist.
Speaker 1:Hello, I'm Asian. Asian Fs. I'm not. I'm sure I have it.
Speaker 2:I'm tiger mommying everyone right now. I have multiple f's, asian f's, for sure I.
Speaker 1:I had multiple asian f's as well, oh gosh, um. So for me it's, you know, I think the whole, like you said, like that legacy part, like I want to make sure that I keep following through this year, that I don't burn myself out at some point. I need to make sure that I balance what I do with fun, as well, because I do tend to keep doing.
Speaker 1:too much is one of my things, so just as important for me is to make sure I do have space. I am sitting, I am like checking out, I am having make sure I'm doing stuff with friends and doing that sort of thing too, because I really could just you could give me a box of cereal. I'll sit in my office and keep going at it.
Speaker 1:And like yeah, keep munching away, Keep munching away and like that'll be my meal and I'll just keep working, and it's a strength and also a huge detriment to my marriage when I go into that space. So, but yeah, so for me, my legacy, my purpose I have that legacy purpose. And then also, I also believe expression and connection is like huge for me too and I think that's a lot of the way I coach as well is that making sure that people are expressing their true selves and also connecting, and community is a huge one for me too. So, um, Um, but really in the end, I think it's no matter what purpose isn't just a singular thing, Right? And I think just the way I define purpose is in that creativity and learning more about yourself. And as you keep peeling back, uh, these layers of yourself, of myself, I'm just going to keep finding a deeper purpose for myself. It's going to get clearer and clearer and I'm going to have fun finding it.
Speaker 2:Finding it, yeah, I love that. There was something that you just said a minute ago and I thought I want to say, and now I've lost it, anyways, why I even bring that up when I can't? Yeah, it will come back, it'll come like one day you know, when we're done it'll be back Exactly.
Speaker 1:All right, so I'm actually going to Wait.
Speaker 2:what was it?
Speaker 1:Oh what? Oh my gosh, she's like going to be so upset now.
Speaker 2:I guess we should sign off because I can't think of it, but something you said really made me think of it and I'll have to come back next time and I'll mention it at the top. Yes, please. Now I'm like because I know, because this is not just like a one timer. Oh, I got it. Oh, can I say it?
Speaker 2:real quick Please. It's bucket lists and I realized that those could be considered tasks and tasks and goals if you think about it. But I think this speaks to the legacy piece and this is how I connect personally with the legacy piece, you know, under purpose, and that is doing the things I always thought I wanted to do but haven't done, and cleaning up that area. I I mean, I don't mean that it's messy, but it's like getting back to them, the things that you know that I may have shoved aside and don't ask me which they are, because I can't tell you right this second and we're out of time, but getting back to but I'll come back with a list, um, not a spreadsheet. Getting back to those things and like beginning to weave them into what my purpose is and what I'm taking on and tackling, I think speaks to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's awesome, I love that.
Speaker 1:That's what I wanted to say that was I'm so glad you remember it, because that's, that's awesome. I love that idea too of just yeah, love it. And I was going to say I'm going to give the listeners a piece of homework too, and that's like a what a great way to think of it too, like go back to your bucket lists and see, right, and like I was thinking of the themes of my life. But no matter what, I think it's like you can play with it and create. And if you can't think of anything like you can play with it and create and it just be. If you can't think of anything, you literally could create it today, right Knowing who you are Right.
Speaker 1:So I think everyone should have fun with this, and you also just don't have to do it if you don't want to. Yeah, no, that's fair.
Speaker 2:But it is fun it is fun. Um, meanwhile, we're like you know we're we're self-development geeks, so of course we're going to say go do the homework.
Speaker 1:We're going to do it, so have fun. Go create and live purposefully. Have fun tonight too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you have fun tonight. You're cute, I'm going to Help it, okay.
Speaker 1:I hate getting dressed up. For some reason, I'm excited about this one.
Speaker 2:Yay, I can't wait to see you in your authentic looking, susie-esque dress.
Speaker 1:Grazie, All right everyone.
Speaker 2:Thanks for listening Yep Bye.
Speaker 1:Bye-bye. Thanks for hanging out with us on getting used to it. If today made you laugh, think or just feel a little less alone, then we've done our job. See you next time, because if we're getting used to it, you can too.