Getting used to it, Midlife
Getting Used to It, Midlife is a show hosted by two executive life coaches, Beth & Suzee, who are also expert friends and are both getting used to midlife. From empty nesting and aging parents to painful sex, and let’s not forget the extra lubrication, we will sift through all of it, speaking our truth faithfully and vulnerably. Listen as we live through this in ourselves and our relationships in real time and tease through the “how to” of this next phase of life. As coaches, we have the tools, but as women in the middle, we may not have all the answers. Scratch that— we’ll have some damn good ideas, too. Join us, and let’s get used to it together!
Getting used to it, Midlife
Getting Used To It: The Quirks of Aging: Dreams, Metabolism, and Expanding Ears
In this episode, we dive into the fascinating—and sometimes curious—changes that come with aging. Ever wondered why we dream less as we get older, or how menopause affects brain function? We’ll explore these and other quirky shifts, from altered drug metabolism and changing voices to the strange phenomenon of expanding ears and nose growth. We’ll unravel these intriguing changes and much more. Tune in for a blend of science, psychology, and aging mysteries that are sure to leave you thinking!
Thanks for tuning in to this episode of Getting Used To It!
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Stay connected, stay curious, and we’ll see you next time!
Hi and welcome to Getting Used To it where Susie and Beth, two live coaches in the thick of midlife ourselves, where everything's a little weird, occasionally hilarious and a lot unexpected.
Speaker 2:If you're wondering whether you're the only one Googling hobbies for adults, rankling emptiness and dealing with shifting hormones, you are not alone. We're here to navigate this wild chapter of life with you. So let's go. Hey Beth, how?
Speaker 1:are you?
Speaker 2:I'm good Susie, how are you?
Speaker 1:I am doing pretty good. I like our topic for today, okay.
Speaker 2:Well, if you like it.
Speaker 1:I'm kind of not all at the same time. Sorry today. Okay, well, if you like it I'm kind of not all at the same time.
Speaker 2:Sorry, I'm going to just suggest right in this moment that you do the introductions of the topic, since you said at the outset you like it so much and I do, by the way, like it as well but you hit it.
Speaker 1:It's like I love to hate it and then love it. We're going to talk about fashion, beauty and self-expression and confidence in the midlife, in this age bracket that we're in, and really just embracing confidence and aging with style.
Speaker 2:How about that? I like that, yeah, I like that Embracing confidence and aging with style. And then my first question is what does that mean?
Speaker 1:Like what does that mean? You know, like where are we going? The great unknown right. You know it's so funny because I was thinking about this the other day, like being younger and just like you know, going out to the clubs and like just putting on the thing and being so cute and like putting on some makeup and like it was just so into it and so fun. And now I'm like how do I put this stuff on? Like what do I wear and do I color the grays, like everything? It just feels I'm not a fashionista, I've never really have been, I've never really put a lot of effort really into it. And so now I'm like feeling the impact of that. I think of just when I'm like I said when I was younger, I just said that's cute, love it, put it on, go. And now my body's different, my skin is different. I feel like I need to put a little bit more effort into it and I'm not sure how to do that, to be honest.
Speaker 2:When you say immediately. I have a question. When? You say and I'm feeling the impact of that. What do you mean? You're feeling the impact of that? Can you explain?
Speaker 1:I have really caring about it before. So I'm watching my daughter, who so she's 20 and she knows how to apply the. I feel like a lot of the younger girls know how to do this now, probably because of all the lessons you can get on YouTube and TikTok and Instagram, and we did not have this. So what do? How do I put on the eyeshadow? I guess I could go and figure that out, and I have tried a little bit, but I still feel like I'm lacking that confidence in then actually what I put on my face and then go outside the door and show it off, um, but I don't. I don't know what I'm doing, so and I've never practiced it. So I feel like I'm starting now to really actually dive into it and try it, and I feel a little bit like a clown sometimes when I go outside.
Speaker 2:Because of the way the makeup looks on you, because you don't feel confident in it.
Speaker 1:I think it's because I don't typically wear makeup and so anything that shows feels a little bit too much for me Right, because you're not comfortable wearing it.
Speaker 2:You're not doing it every day, so you're used to the look of your face without makeup rather than the look of your face with makeup on. I completely get that and, by the way, susie and I did not talk about this very part of the topic beforehand, but so my daughter's, you know, closing in on 19 and agreed, um, she knows so much more about makeup than I ever did.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I agree with Susie. I think it has a lot to do with YouTube and social media, et cetera. There's so many places to get feedback. And then I think it really has a lot to do with practicing. I really do, because I could see there was a certain point and I think it was during the pandemic for us, where I, you know, singleton child, we're all alone in the house. I'm like play with makeup, paint your face, I'll buy you whatever. I really didn't want her to feel like I felt all these years which was like me and makeup don't get along. That's my narrative, right, which is my narrative is screwed up because really the truth is, while we didn't have YouTube or social media to show us how we could have practiced and I tried it a couple of times, felt uncomfortable and then went, yeah, makeup, you don't get along, right? Rather than just playing, playing, playing, playing and being like what I hear from you in the opening is like there was a free spiritedness that you had to getting dressed when you were younger.
Speaker 2:That you're saying now you don't feel like you have so much.
Speaker 1:I think I'm thinking about it a little too hard. You're right, it's that free spiritedness and the creativity piece that I embodied and just went out and did. And you know, looking back, I even if I didn't do a ton of makeup or anything like that, there was that free spiritedness. Like you said it, I, I was very confident with what I was putting on my body and I didn't care if it failed. I was just trying it and coming back and redoing it the next day and I didn't care. And now I'm thinking of what I'm saying and my question to myself is why do I care so much? Myself is, why do I care so much?
Speaker 2:And you know, yeah, I think I started to care more about this, I don't know, in the last couple of years, when I started looking in the mirror and then here's this young, sweet, gorgeous person next to me my daughter. And then I'd look at myself and I'd be like wait, what happened? Wait, what happened, I know. And then I'd look at myself and I'd be like, wait, what happened? Oh, wait, what happened, I know. And then I I think, oh, maybe if I buy some makeup, this stuff will like quiet down, right, I'll look better to myself. I'm not sure. I feel like that is still a work in progress. I'm still not wearing makeup every day. I still feel outside of my comfort zone. I still feel outside of my comfort zone and also and I'm sure some of our listeners feel this way the makeup doesn't work the same way on our skin people. Yes, it doesn't. We have textured complexions. For the most part, we do.
Speaker 1:Yes, you know you're. What you're saying is making me realize that we just need to change our perception of aging Right, and, as coaches, we're always in the business of changing perception and talking to clients about that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so you know this is natural aging. You know, like you know, I'm not judging people who, with the nip and tuck, and hey, I might do that when it gets to that time myself, but the truth is, no matter what my skin is, my skin it's going to be there, it's going to be textured, like you said. And so what do you think about that, beth, of just changing your perception of aging? And the truth is, you're just as beautiful as your gorgeous daughter, it's just you're in a different time of life.
Speaker 2:Completely, and I think the way society is has us think that this time of life maybe is not as valid as that younger time of life. Right and so true perception is huge there. And then I think there are some things we can do to makeup wise maybe, to like, while that is not the everything and I'm not saying that, but it's like I think the answer is twofold. What do you think Twofold being One is change your perception right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I said a couple on one of our earlier episodes. Like look in the mirror, hey, you look pretty good, you know. Wink at yourself. You know it's hard people, it's hard to remember to do that, to love yourself every day and yet everyone we love outside of ourselves, like all that love starts with that self-love. And how do we do that, right? So that's part of the perception, right, that's self-love, to look in the mirror and tell yourself you're beautiful, and then maybe finding some tools that are easy, that can just make us feel, you know, a little different on the outside too.
Speaker 1:That's why I said it was twofold.
Speaker 2:It is Inside outside Finding the makeup that works for our aging skin. It's not. It's not just Maybelline good one.
Speaker 1:Um, maybe it is Maybelline, but who do we? Was that like a little plug for them? No, no, uh we don't know how to use Maybelline uh, I was also thinking exactly was also.
Speaker 1:You know, yes, yes, that self-love a hundred percent. And you know, I think for me it's not that I don't think that I'm not beautiful I'm not saying I'm gorgeous or beautiful but I'm also like it's that fun piece. I think you nailed it on the head. For me it's, it's. It's I've been too scared to look, whatever it is.
Speaker 1:I also think this is part of social media, because there's a lot of like this trend is in, this trend is out Don't wear this when you're 50. And there's a lot of stuff like that out. And so I'm like do I look a little too young right now? Am I like not addressing my age or is this like product doesn't really work, like there's a lot of guessing and because of the whatever is out there that's talking to me and telling me that I could be doing it wrong, that's like I'm a little bit scared of going out there, which is really funny because I'm not typically that person.
Speaker 1:But for some reason, with this I am, and I'm missing the fun part. I'm missing the having just playing like who really cares? And the thing is I'm 50. Like, fuck it, let's just go have some fun, right, and whether it is makeup sometimes and not sometimes, and just owning how I look in my skin, let's just do it lot sometimes. And just owning how I look in my skin, let's just do it Like let's go wear something kind of 80s one day, and then I'd be minimalist the next day, do it?
Speaker 2:Yeah? So I'm hearing you say like you're a little bit stuck, like too much information's coming at you. Is it this way? Is it that way? Oh, maybe I should try this. We were talking about colors, right, like?
Speaker 1:having your colors done.
Speaker 2:What are the right colors? Maybe I shouldn't buy anything until I know what my colors are, because I don't want to get it wrong. I mean, what does this sound like to you as a?
Speaker 1:coach, and what does my body? Is it really a triangle or is it this kibby thing? Or is this la, la, la, la, la la. Exactly, I know, I was just saying to.
Speaker 2:Susie beforehand, like I, I know I was just saying to Susie beforehand like I'm looking for a fall jacket, what does that look like? Everything's black. Why do those things you know that should fit me look like and I'm not petite, you know look like they're swallowing my body up, like they're so just over, like make me look lost in the fabric? And Susie was telling me about something called the kibbe body type. I don't know much about it, but maybe Susie was telling me about something called the Kibbe body type. I don't know much about it, but maybe Susie wants to elaborate a tiny bit of what she knows. And what does all that information do is just keep you stuck right where you are, buying what you used to buy or not buying anything.
Speaker 1:Well, I think it also is the way I'm looking at the tools, right. So I'm not even saying those tools are bad, it's just that I'm not even playing right, so I'm just saying there's too much. But the truth is like, okay, if I figured out my Kibbe type, like, instead of being like oh no, like I can't, there's too much. Oh, actually, what is this guy saying? So, david Kibbe let me just take a pause. David Kibbe is, I think that's his name.
Speaker 1:So I went down a deep, dark hole, rabbit hole of body types one day and found Kibbe. He has 13 different body types. Yes, that does sound like a lot. And he I think he was in the fashion industry and this is in the 80s and he had a real eye of seeing themes in people's bodies and it's not just your pear shape or your apple shape and the generic terms he has, like romantic, I think there's one classic gamine and then from there there's like different nuances even to those bits, and I do feel like we are all nuanced and you can't put us into just four shapes.
Speaker 1:So that's why I really went down the rabbit hole looking at Kibbe style and I do find that a lot of what he says is true, and it's a great tool and maybe foundation to have and to know. And by looking at that I did realize, yes, I am, I believe, a theatrical romantic, which means I can't really wear the heavier clothing. And it was true, like every time I put something heavy on, I did look a lot bigger. It just didn't fit my body type and then when I wore the more thinner layers, that did make me look a lot better.
Speaker 1:So you know, like in coaching, right, it is our perception, like we said before, and it's how we're actually telling ourselves, how we're seeing things. So I could be overwhelmed by the tools. Or I can use the tools for my benefit and you know, to me it's up to me how much I'm going to like, load and put into my brain or I could just take it like little drips, little sips from the water fountain and then take that information and use it and go have fun. Stop being stuck, stop worrying about being judged.
Speaker 1:I'm 50, damn it, I don't know I'm going to do my tagline maybe from now on, I'm 50, damn it, I'm 50, damn it Fuck it and I'm 60. Okay, I just said a lot. So hey Beth.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was just going to say what was it? You just said something like have fun. You did say, and then you also said oh shoot, it'll come to me, but something about you know, let's just do it rather than be stuck you know, Worry.
Speaker 2:Yeah be stuck, you know, worried, yeah, in the perception of how it's not working. The negative perception, yes, um, which I think is huge, because, if you think about it and this is something I think about too is like I look at photos of myself from my younger years this is very common in people that are older, you know and I think why didn't I see how beautiful I was then? You know, why didn't I, why didn't I pay attention to that? How can I do that differently? How can I teach that differently to my child, to my friends who come asking, to my clients?
Speaker 1:I mean, and it really is, it really is on us partly, it really is on us you mean ourselves just individually to really own how amazing we are at the time in real time, yeah, and to get out of that stuckness.
Speaker 2:I mean time is passing, the stuck is staying in one. You know, in neutral. Yeah, and to get out of that stuckness, I mean time is passing, the stuck is staying in one you know, neutral. Yeah, it's true. I mean, it's now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it is, and that's why I keep saying, like I'm 50. So, like, fuck it, right? So it's why not just own it because this is it and then let's move forward and have fun with it? Right? Because I do feel like we're at that age now where we've we've done a lot of trends, we've gone through lots of cycles, right? So at this point I'm just going to say, like I do know myself better than when I was 15 and you know, even 25, even 35. Right, so now's the time to take in and gather that information and let's go play now, right?
Speaker 2:And now I remember what it was I wanted to key into that you had said, which was stop judging yourself, which goes back to perception, right, 100%, right. So yes. So stop judging yourself. How do you go about? Stop judging yourself? How do you catch?
Speaker 1:the judge. You know, for me and also what I tell my clients is, it's hard to catch sometimes, especially if you're not practiced in catching this new person. Maybe way of being that isn't really aligned with who you actually want to be, right, and that's why you're stuck in that space. But there is a moment throughout the day that you will probably catch yourself, and it might be just once a day that you catch yourself and you're like, oh, this is what I typically say to myself and once you have that down, you might be able to find that second thing that you say. And then you can catch more and more of it as you keep practicing that. And then there's probably a theme that's happening and for me, one of my themes really is like the way I look. I'm worried about the way I look and present a lot of the times and because I'm just not confident.
Speaker 1:I just wasn't. I wasn't a confident kid either in this space. So I mean, I know I said differently earlier. I just had to go to just to like a screw it place and just have fun with it. But it didn't actually come out of confidence. I just really just said screw it, my parents didn't have a lot of money, so I had to like be like screw it. I didn't have a lot of money, so I had to be like screw it, I didn't get the Jordache and gas jeans guys, I did not have the Jordache jeans.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I didn't. Yeah, I didn't have this either, right? So your reaction was like I'm going to say screw it as a way for me to take care of myself, exactly Right. Rather than what am I going to do? Well, I guess the thing that you did do differently was say screw it and give up on it and give up on it Exactly, yeah, right yeah.
Speaker 2:So, you say you're the same or yeah, I totally did the same thing. Like I mean I said earlier, like I just sort of said, like me and makeup don't get along, but that was my version of screwing it. I didn't say like, oh, hey, mom, I never even my mom, who would be in front of the mirror for two hours doing a level of makeup detail that that made me want to say screw it. Too much time and attention on my face. And then she really had the most natural of looks Like she was not overly made up, but I was like Jesus, what takes so long? Totally, I have that too. But I never went to her and said like, hey, can you teach me? I mean, I had Cosmopolitan magazine.
Speaker 2:I had, you know, I'm from that time period and I never said anything to my friends, you know, and I just sort of, you know, kind of gave up. When matte lipstick came out and the brand MAC came out, that was where I had my calling. That's where I was like, okay, I'm going to be the matte lip girl. No makeup, matte lip. And I did that for a really long time until I stopped putting lipstick on.
Speaker 1:And then I was done, but I'm coming back people, I'm coming back.
Speaker 1:You're. You're making me realize that I think one of our things too is I don't think we need to marry just one style, but the truth is we probably do already have a personal style Right, and although we can have fun with all these other styles too, but just to kind of move from this point and like so what do we do now with this is, this would be a fun time to go figure out what our personal style is right and then have fun figuring that out, not like it's a chore, but have fun with it, right. And then maybe we can invest in some of those like right, and then maybe we can invest in some of those like timeless pieces and, um, you know, really I'm trying I don't know why I'm trying to, uh, not use the word zhuzh, but zhuzh up our style and actually care and not say fuck it, but care. Why not have fun caring about it and indulge in it a little bit?
Speaker 2:I like that because I suppose for you and I and I don't who knows where people are that are listening you and I have decades of fuck it. We have to counteract and care, and it is a change of mindset to go from fuck it to like actually it matters. Yeah, you know. And then, oh shit, what's it mean? If it matters?
Speaker 1:yeah, that's scary, and how do?
Speaker 2:we? You said, like, how do we work on our personal style? I mean, I love that like, but how do we do it? Who do we do? I feel like I need an expert. Is there an expert willing to raise their hand out there?
Speaker 1:I mean, yeah, you know what?
Speaker 2:go ahead, keep going. Oh, I'm just. I was just gonna say like I'm dancing around on social media and I'm not there a lot, but, like Instagram, there's a couple of stylists I like and I literally am like going from one. She's all in color, it's so bold, she's probably in her forties. I love it. She's English. Then this other one who's like skip the sizes because there's no uniform fit model.
Speaker 2:Skip the sizes and she said on her Instagram over the weekend I've always felt more comfortable when the clothes were a little bit bigger on me, like I don't like the tight fit, you know. So I'm never buying in my size and I don't even know what my size is really, because it isn't the same label to label to label. Very true, it's funny because when I showed my husband, I said look at this woman's style, the one that did all the colors I was like I kind of want to like maybe she works with people over Zoom. And my husband just said I can never. I can never see you wear any of the stuff you're showing me, beth, like I know, I know that you're attracted to it.
Speaker 1:I think we have a personal style. I think we already actually have a style.
Speaker 2:He was like I know you're attracted to it, but I don't see it. Yeah, that's hilarious and I just thought is he right, or am I right? I don't know, you know, well you're making me remember this YouTuber.
Speaker 1:Her name is. I'm sure she's on Instagram and all that stuff. I'm not the best social media person, but I love the YouTube. Her name is Alyssa Beltempo. I'm almost positive that's her name and she has this whole thing.
Speaker 1:And she started out by saying shop your closet. So she would show she would find someone on Instagram with an outfit that she loved and then she would try to recreate that outfit by pulling it out from what she already owned. So she wanted to be sustainable. She didn't want everybody to go buy new stuff and all the stuff you see online that people are telling you you have to have, and I loved watching her do that and made me feel more comfortable about doing that myself. Did I do it? No, not yet, but as you were saying that, it's like well, why not shop your closet and try it for a day? Don't go buy anything new, but go shop your closet and then see how that feels and try on that style. Maybe that's what we actually need to do is we don't need to buy anything. Pick a style, try, try it out. Shop our closet, maybe match it to an instagram person or something, and then see how that feels and and like go get creative and have fun.
Speaker 2:It's fun. It's interesting that you mentioned that, because from time to time I've done something like that. Not for myself, no.
Speaker 1:For who? Your daughter?
Speaker 2:My daughter will send me a photo and she'll be like I really like this person's style and I say that looks like your style and she's like no, and I'm like yes, here's the difference.
Speaker 2:It's just because I'm objective, right, I said here's the difference difference. It's just because I'm objective, right, I said here's the difference. She's wearing, you know, because she's wearing delicate shoes and you're wearing, you know, uh, sneakers. That's the difference here. Like, maybe try and put the same clothes on and put your ballet flats on and we're, then we're going to see that you have, you, what she's doing. That's the difference there. But when it comes to me, I don't have enough pants. I just already straight up know that I cannot eke anyone's style because I don't have enough pants.
Speaker 1:Now I'm so curious.
Speaker 2:I don't want to know how many pants you have.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God you don't?
Speaker 2:I literally have four pairs and only two I wear.
Speaker 1:That's so funny yeah, and I know people that have 12. I have a lot of pants and then no tops, so maybe we need to put our wardrobe together.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we definitely do. We definitely do.
Speaker 1:But here's the thing I think we need to do this. Okay, here's the thing I think we need to do this Like we need to do this I challenge everybody that's listening who is like in the same boat as we are is, first of all, mind shift, change right, so we're having fun, we're aging gracefully and we're we're in it right, so let's just have fun with it. So that's that mind shift. And then mindset shift is what I was trying to say and then go have fun with it. Might not be every day, but it could be just like.
Speaker 1:Here's that action point right, like three or four times a week, where we are gonna go have fun in our closet. We're going to take the time out to care about what we're wearing on our bodies and maybe we just put some lipstick on, but we're going to have fun and then see what that's like. I want to try that for maybe a month and then we're going to. I was going to go a little bit more bold and say, take a picture of ourselves and send it to your buddy and then see how that. See how that.
Speaker 2:That's a great level of accountability. I think years ago you and I used to I had something like that, where I was going to be like, I'm going to wear makeup every day. Yes, and I'd send it to Susie just for she didn't have to do the same, but just to have some accountability, and it was amazing you know, because it kept me accountable, because on your left to your own devices, you know, time slips away and you let yourself slip. I mean, we're the worst at, you know nudging ourselves accountable? Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I like the lipstick thing I'm. I have some new lipsticks that I got so that I could start. Hello, it makes such a difference on my face I really notice, you know. Yeah, so I'm trying there.
Speaker 1:Perfect. I'm going to take a shower in the mornings. I like that as a good start. Get out of the workout clothes, yep. Don't live in it all day, yep. And then put on an outfit. Okay, take a photo. So Beth and I are going to take these photos what? Three times a week, let's say? Let's go with the minimum. Yeah, Okay, We'll play.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I like it. And, okay, anybody that's listening today, find a buddy. It doesn't matter if your buddy does it. All you have to do is have somebody to receive the photos and be like great, good for you, right exactly maybe you'll you doing it will have your friend want to do it too, yeah and maybe not, it does not matter, it does not matter it does not matter, but I want one last thing that you said, susie, which was like I grew up sort of with this mindset.
Speaker 1:And I think I haven't met many women that haven't.
Speaker 2:I haven't, right, yeah, and I remember, even with my daughter and I'm sure with yours like I didn't want to bestow that on her I did such a good job. I felt trying to like keep my mouth shut about anything of that and it's still. I think it's in our epigenetics on some level.
Speaker 1:Not my daughter, she's more like my mom there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I think she got a lot of practice in makeup and stuff, just because she happened to be in cheer in the all-star cheer teams. So it's constant makeup practice, right, and they're like this is too much, but on an everyday they just knew how to like, level that out, felt like all of them knew how to do that, put the lashes on, do their hair, do all that stuff. So she got a ton of practice. Um, and I just think epigenetics is she's a little bit more like my mom and she's just like, look at this outfit, look at that outfit. I'm like, oh my gosh, I want to be my daughter I know that sounds so good, I know I gotta take lessons from the daughter we're gonna have to well we're gonna do that right now.
Speaker 1:We're gonna three times we're gonna do it three times a week.
Speaker 2:We're doing it? Yep, you do it too, people Okay.
Speaker 1:Have fun.
Speaker 2:All of our listeners.
Speaker 1:Yep, have fun. Yeah, thanks for listening.
Speaker 2:Thanks for hanging out with us on Getting Used To it.
Speaker 1:If today made you laugh, think or just feel a little less alone, then we've done our job. See you next time, Because if we're getting used to it, you can too.