Getting used to it, Midlife
Getting Used to It, Midlife is a show hosted by two executive life coaches, Beth & Suzee, who are also expert friends and are both getting used to midlife. From empty nesting and aging parents to painful sex, and let’s not forget the extra lubrication, we will sift through all of it, speaking our truth faithfully and vulnerably. Listen as we live through this in ourselves and our relationships in real time and tease through the “how to” of this next phase of life. As coaches, we have the tools, but as women in the middle, we may not have all the answers. Scratch that— we’ll have some damn good ideas, too. Join us, and let’s get used to it together!
Getting used to it, Midlife
Getting Used To It: Say Goodbye to Stuck And Hello To Strong. Redefining Fitness after 50!
Feeling stuck or deflated with your physical strength and fitness after 50? Join us as we explore the transformative journey of embracing wellness as we age. We tackle the mindset that keeps us immobilized and discusses practical strategies for making meaningful changes, whether minor tweaks or significant lifestyle shifts. Is it patience? Commitment to a plan? We’ll share stories, insights, and expert advice that empower you to break free from limitations and cultivate a healthier, more vibrant life. Tune in and discover how to stay unstuck and thrive at any age!
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Hey Beth, hey Susie, how are you doing today?
Speaker 2:I'm doing pretty good, I've worked out, and I'm saying that I'm kind of like hesitating because I want to say this is basically what our topic is today and I'm so proud of myself for working out this morning before recording.
Speaker 1:Oh, I'm so proud of you and for me, the slacker in the mix.
Speaker 2:Oh nice.
Speaker 1:No workout today, so far.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay. Well, this is going to inspire you to go work out, I'm pretty sure, okay.
Speaker 1:I'm not really in need of inspiration, but but, but, but. Well, I take that back. Who isn't in need of inspiration Really. We all need it at some point or another, and maybe this will help me kick my ass into gear. There you go.
Speaker 2:There you go, something. It'll do something for you.
Speaker 1:For sure. What do we do you want to tell the listeners what we're talking about today?
Speaker 2:Yeah, we were titling this strong and not stuck and redefining fitness over 50. Right, so like basically breaking free from like limiting beliefs or the idea that weight gain or physical decline is really unavoidable as we age, is the way I would like to talk about this topic.
Speaker 1:What about you, beth? So you're saying, don't push back the recliner and just put life on pause for your body? Is that what you're?
Speaker 2:saying Just because you're 50 and over doesn't mean like it's over Whatever Can't change it, don't do nothing about it.
Speaker 1:Don't change it, don't do nothing about it. You know what?
Speaker 2:This is just what happens when you're 50. You get that done, sign a contract. It means it's over, oh my.
Speaker 1:God, does the yellow brick road come before us, or are we creating the yellow brick road?
Speaker 2:In other words, that's a good question. Yeah, I mean, sounds like we're creating it.
Speaker 1:Okay. So this was a really important topic for Susie. I really dug in with her about it, trying to understand what she wanted to talk about about this subject today. So why don't you and the strong not stuck the title that? That was really I'm sorry to use this word, but like a sticking point for me, because I didn't quite know what Susie meant.
Speaker 2:So I'm going to push on Susie right now and lean into explain what you mean Strong, not Stuck a little bit more lot of people saying, because they've reached a certain age, that, oh no, like hormones have hit, oh my metabolism is slowing down, there's nothing I can do about this Like, and then they just give up, right, or they give up quickly after trying, maybe for like a month, or you know, that could be, I could be exaggerating, but it does seem that way.
Speaker 2:People don't give it the time that it needs to either get stronger or lose weight. For some people, it's even gaining weight, right, and gaining strength, and whatever it may be, it seems that we pin it on our age, right, and so then you get, we get stuck in that mindset and that all those beliefs take over and it's, it's, um, I feel like it's sad to watch people be taken away by by this belief and then make it really, really true, and I, I, I strongly believe that that's not true. Yes, we do have things that happen as we age, of course, as we get older, but that doesn't mean that we can't do anything about it people in the public sphere, or your clients even.
Speaker 1:But not that that really matters, but just curious curiosity, curious Oops, it's just my curiosity, but I wanted to say do you think that some of that stuck mindset now that I'm understanding it better mindset, now that I'm understanding it better, um is because, you know, do you think? I guess what I'm trying to go to is do you think you someone who wouldn't get stuck, someone who is a seeker let's just call it um do you think that makes it different for you than other people? Like, did you have the patience to not give up, whereas other people maybe ordinarily do? That's a good question.
Speaker 2:Um and do you think that's part of this. Well, I think the reason why I this, this fitness and this thought is um a big deal, I guess, for me. Oh my gosh, my dog just um snored. So if you think that was me, I didn't hear it, sorry, okay.
Speaker 2:Um, I promise it was my dog. Uh, but the but. So okay, let me start from here. When I after had my son, he was 10 pounds when he was born. I gained 75 pounds and I had to really work hard to. Then they told me I was going to lose a lot of weight right after like breastfeeding and this and that Right, and never happened, right. And I was like, oh no, I've got to like do the work.
Speaker 1:Right, same for me, same for me Really, and so.
Speaker 2:I did the work, how to do the work, and then, you know, then baby number two. Then I had baby number two and then I had a cousin who told me, um, when I was pregnant with her she's like, oh, now you're going to be fat after baby number two. Like that's just the way it goes with moms. I'm like, um, screw you, right. So then I was like no way. And then I really then worked hard to don't know what it was about her saying that. And maybe it's because I like a good challenge, I'm not sure, but I was like no, that's thrown.
Speaker 2:Exactly that's not going to happen, right. So from that to, like you know, I've run many marathons and then I noticed my body changing with that and not not actually positive. I did a lot of cardiovascular work but I was still gaining weight, right. So it was an interesting. I feel like my road to today has been really interesting.
Speaker 2:And then because of this, and I just didn't like where people were like putting the mindset sorry about the whole marathon running thing. I'm not sure how that applies here, but a little bit, a little bit more in the future of this conversation, but just saying that, like you know, after having my son, like thinking like oh my gosh, it didn't come off quickly, having to work for that, then someone telling me that I wasn't going to be able to like be strong and, you know, lose the weight, like I feel like people just get into these weird mindsets about their bodies and these beliefs because of this. You can't do that because of this. And now I'm at the first age and, yeah, I see, I feel like I see it for social media, I see it like with my clients, I see it with so many in so many areas and I just don't. I don't like it when people say that.
Speaker 1:That's really the top, that's really the topic here. She's frustrated. She just wants everyone to stop saying no, I can't do that.
Speaker 2:Nope, not for me.
Speaker 1:Going to take that one off my list.
Speaker 2:I just want to hear you say I don't want to do it. I'd much rather hear you say I don't want to do it. God, that makes me think about.
Speaker 1:I know that makes me think about my dad when I was little and me saying I can't, I can't do that, I can't. I mean and he, he literally was that was that me that drove him bananas when I said I couldn't do something, but fucking bananas. And now when I hear my kids say like I can't do that, I'm like, oh my God, of course you can do anything, you know just like my dad said to me, which I just wanted to be like fuck off.
Speaker 2:You know, that's not what I want to hear right now yeah, exactly. And that's true, it's typically we don't want to hear it and we don't want to put the work into it, because it's hard, it is.
Speaker 1:Of course it is Okay. So I mean what I'm. I totally get you 75 is a lot.
Speaker 2:Can I answer the question?
Speaker 1:75 pounds is a lot, you lot. You did, oh my gosh, you know I I think I was, I was around 50, and then, or 52 pounds, I put on with my daughter and then I thought, you know, a week after having her it would be off and it kind of didn't. I think maybe 10, 15 pounds came off and then it didn't budge for about two years until I went. I don't want this anymore, yeah Right. But that begs another question, which is when we started prepping for this call. I mean, obviously, susie and I are. She's 50, I'm 61. We're talking about being strong at a different point in our, a very different point in our life. What I hear you reflecting on, back when you, you know, had your son was, um, it was around. That stuck thinking, was around.
Speaker 1:If you gain weight when you have a baby that way, it's probably going to stick with you you know, um, and that to me is about weight gain, but now here we're talking about other things that come into play as we age, do you?
Speaker 2:want to talk a little bit about that.
Speaker 1:What? What you mean now at 50?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so at 50, you know it's it's about hormonal shifts, it's about we don't really typically move as much as we do was when we did when we were younger. Right, there are things that definitely change. I'm not sure if I'm answering your question actually, beth, but, like you know, we do have these um, most of us are sedentary more just because we're might be at the office or whatever. It is right we're. We're just not moving around as much. So there is that. So we have to be very um like. It has to be designed into our day right Of like when we're moving. We have to be very um vigilant about it.
Speaker 1:Intentional. Thank you, I was thinking about that word.
Speaker 2:And um, so it's harder. It's harder even with food, right, because then we are working more than we were younger, plus it's like, probably to make money and then probably for the survival of your family. So now you're like the eating doesn't get quite, it's not as important, maybe because you got to eat faster on the go, or you know, there's a lot of things that come into play just at this age. So, um, and I get that, I totally get that.
Speaker 2:Um, also, I think another thing that happens as we age is we have more injuries, the impact of our youth and everything maybe that we did right. Now suddenly things are breaking easier, balance is shifting, things like that, right. But I still think, depending on what your goal is right and I don't mean you have to be like a weight lifter, but like, but to be balanced, strength, even our mind, health, right, things like that is all probably what we're striving for is to be healthy in all those areas in a very balanced way, right, and whatever that goal is of yours, I just I believe you can do it and I don't believe it's a, you know we, you can, um, work around things and maybe not everything's going to be perfect, but I do believe it can be worked around. But I do believe it can be worked around.
Speaker 1:I mean definitely. I think at my age it's much more. I'd say there's a lot more frustration in terms of like goal setting with your body than at a different point in my life. Have I given up? No, I, um, and one of the reasons I haven't given up, I mean I've been working out since I was 15. And one of the reasons I haven't given up, I mean I've been working out since I was 15. Um, I think about the time just after I had my daughter in my early forties, I realized the mental health benefits for me of exercise, that I needed to get out of the house, I needed to walk or whatever it was at that time and I've like tried a lot of different things.
Speaker 1:Right now, my my exercise of choice is strength training. You know, I really buy into the for me. Back to when I had her, I thought when I brought her home I went, oh shit, I got to be able to be on the floor with this person for a lifetime, if you will. And now it's a little bit, now that she's an adult, it's like, oh, I want to be on the floor when she brings home children someday, if she decides to do that. You know, I don't want to be old, too old. Yeah, I don't want to be old people at all. I mean, I love where I'm at, but you know what I mean? Like I don't want to be, I don't want to be unable to get down there. My father-in-law lived a really nice long life, um, but you know he was in his easy chair for, you know, for a long time.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, that's, that's not me. Yeah, and you don't want to be right now, which you know. That brings me to the book I wanted to highlight today, not that this is a review of the book, but just. You know, talk about some pointers from the book Outlive by Dr Peter Attia, the science and art of longevity, and he talks about the centenary and decathlon, which I think is like what you're talking about, right? What he says is that it's basically, if you, if you created a decathlon for yourself, what you could do when you are around a hundred, right, whatever, 80, let's say, um and then to train for those things, like to be able to get up off the floor, like you said, after playing with the kids.
Speaker 2:He mentions even sex, because that also takes physical, you know, power, right and um, and just having that, what, what's important to you, what are those 10 things, and then then to train for that Right, so and um. Unfortunately, we lost our father-in-law this year, but I can even see how sitting and getting up from the chair is one of the things that would be in my decathlon. Right, that was really hard for him, right? Getting up his feet up and over a rug. Yeah, right, yeah, yeah no-transcript.
Speaker 1:Whereas when we're younger, you know if we're not like you know, we still have. There is some baked in strength. Yeah, you know what I mean. But as we get older, I think that weakness occurs.
Speaker 2:Well, like you said, if you don't use it, you're going to lose it right there is that piece? And he was. He didn't use it, yeah Right, so he was losing it for sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we about to say something One thing I noticed oh yeah, I was going to say, you know, I started on this strength training program like a year-ish ago. And one thing I noticed recently, like a month and a half ago, we were traveling and I went to throw my bag and I'm using the word throw because it felt like it. Like I literally felt like a football player in an ad Nice To put my bag overhead, and I think I've I haven't read Peter Atiyah's book, but I think they talk a lot about that functional movement, like the things you, you know, like you were saying, like what's in your decathlon, well, how about being able to put your bag in the overhead compartment?
Speaker 1:So I put my bag up, and afterwards I sat down and I thought, and I've always been able to put it up. You know, there definitely have been times where I struggled more, but clearly my overhead strength has changed because I literally vaulted that thing into the bin and I was like at my husband. I was like, oh my God, I think I've gotten stronger, you know, and that's not anything I noticed visibly about my body. I can't see that in any way. Yeah, you know, but it was striking.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know and I'm. And when did that happen?
Speaker 1:A month and a half ago.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so again like all right, and that's just, you're 61. So it's still like you can still train that and get stronger right? So?
Speaker 2:there you have it right, just because you're over 50 doesn't mean you can't. And you know what. Another point that he mentions in the book is using exercise as a longevity drug. Right that it does help you. It prevents cognitive, cognitive and physical decline. Right, like it's. Just. It's your vitamin, right, that helps you. Your daily, your multi, your multi. Yeah, exactly so I think that's a hundred percent true. Again, just by watching my parents and my in-laws aging like yeah had they continued.
Speaker 2:And I just want to tell this quick story too, just for those of you who are like, but I still can't. Sorry, I'm pretty sure you don't sound like that, that was me in my whiny voice, but my mom, I, she is 80, 80 this year and about five years ago she's someone who, um, deathly afraid of being in a pool water. Anything she would. When I was younger, would go in the pool with us and then like, try to blow the bubbles and that would freak her out and then she'd leave, she'd get out of the pool and she's done, right. And so about five years ago she decided I'm, I'm done, I'm done being afraid of this, I need to do some exercise.
Speaker 2:She went to her hardest thing. She learned to swim and now she goes to the community pool when it's when the weather is really nice down there in Southern California, and she, which is often right as she is just swimming, I love it, just she swims and like her stroke isn't great, she's 80, but she tackled it. And when I saw them like you know what number one you can still learn from the from, from your parents, and number two, like like, oh my God, what this 75 year old lady at the time just totally tackled her fears. Like you could do that at any time in your life. Yeah, that's impressive.
Speaker 1:But your mom impresses me. She's a strong lady.
Speaker 2:She's she's fun. Yeah, she thinks she's amazing, so I think mental health does help. She thinks she's she's fun. Yeah, she thinks she's amazing, so I think mental health does help.
Speaker 1:She thinks she's badass, so you know maybe that's what helped in that. Yeah, Well, you know, there is there. There is something to like being able to toot your own horn, for sure.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, I want to, I want to be like her and I. That's kind of like the mindset right. So we start off by saying, if you do have limiting belief and you stay there, believing, that right they become concrete they do.
Speaker 1:They just become fixed in your mind Like you believe.
Speaker 1:I can't you don't see like, okay, well, maybe I could, and how can I do it? And let me try it, and let me play a game a little bit with it. Like you know, we talked earlier about when we read the book, the Emily Belchettis book Clearer, closer, better, better. Yeah, you know setting out like, okay, I'll try it for a month, I'll do it. You know, just trick your mind to get yourself over the hump. But one thing I do see, um, then I want to go back to is that, you know. Thing I do see then I want to go back to is that, you know, while I do exercise four or five times a week at 61, you know, the changes don't come as quickly to the physical eye as they did when I was younger, you know, and people like to see a little progress yeah, you know, I think this place is kind of strange too, because I've noticed that sometimes some people's bodies don't show that tone real quickly either.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Like I don't think I'm one to show that quickly, like even in pictures my arms don't look like, they're like toned and svelte and all that, but I am a lot stronger Right. So I think we have to forgive ourselves, shift the mindset maybe have how we actually physically look as opposed to. Can you lift a little bit more?
Speaker 1:Can you do?
Speaker 2:another pull up or push up or whatever. Right, go buy those markers instead, or how you feel in your clothes, because if we just go by the look, I don't think. I don't think that's a good marker actually enough. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I'm not. I don't know. I'm not one for the clothes, because I think you can dupe yourself there.
Speaker 2:I mean. I have skinny jeans and fat jeans. I'm like maybe today I need this, but again we're not we're not talking about that.
Speaker 1:So like did we lose weight? Did we gain weight? We're really talking about keeping your musculature. Yes, we're talking also we haven't gotten to this, but like underneath, that is your bone health and the importance of, like you know, having your ankles be strong so that you can walk, you know, so that you can age properly. You know, in a in a, in terms of longevity, you know, living, living a longer, healthier life you know, yes, exactly yeah.
Speaker 2:And then not only that, and that you know all requires strength training and lifting something heavy, right. So, but just what we eat, just you know nutritional considerations, right, just like. Making sure that I don't think a diet, I'm air quoting what you guys can't see, but, like you know the way you eat, your diet should be, I believe, pretty like, well-rounded, right, right, like, if you want dessert sometimes, you're going to have dessert sometimes and you're going to. You know what I mean, things like that, like. But just watch the balance of what you're eating and making sure that it makes sense in your decathlon Mm, hmm, you know it makes sense in your decathlon, mm-hmm, you know.
Speaker 1:So if you were going to write a decathlon right here on the spot, like I love the decathlon idea because, like we learned in Clara, closer Better, like it's a goal, yeah Right, we're just looking at mile markers, that we can push towards right. Yep. What would be in your decathlon?
Speaker 2:Can you think of some things? I think it's like some of the ones that I said and unfortunately it's because I've been watching our elders aging. So, yeah, being able to, like you said, even getting down to the ground, being able to, you know, play with future grandkids at like, getting up off the couch and on the couch in bed, out of bed being able to twist. So another thing I've noticed with some of the elderly is like being able to like look behind you, like there's that motion when you're driving even right Like that I feel like starts to, I don't know, not work as well.
Speaker 1:So that's one of my things I'm twisting right now everybody.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know we're like both twisting as I'm saying this Again. So, like you said, like the ankle strength and the calf, that quad strength, to be able to lift your foot up and over things, being able to walk up and down the stairs, lift your foot up and over things, being able to walk up and down the stairs, and then, like you said, putting things overhead, that's another one.
Speaker 2:And I want to be able to like lift the baby up and you know, like play with the baby Right and and then also like put a puzzle piece together, like you know, like being able to cognitively have that being present in that way, so strong of mind strong of body yeah and is there something you do for the cognitive piece that you're right now?
Speaker 2:I'm unsure, except for, like, I'm doing a bunch of reading and I am trying to learn a bunch of different languages. So one of the things that, um, I can't remember who said this, but, um, but basically I'm learning different languages but, languages that have nothing to do with the languages that, like, I already know. So, even though I'm trying to learn Italian I think we may have said this a few times on the podcast but, like, although it does have some Spanish and some French in there, which I have some of- it's romance languages.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like so new to me that I have to stretch my mind to, you know, to have really have to think hard to be able to do it.
Speaker 2:So that's what this. I wish I could remember who it was, but that's what this one scientist had said. If you're just like doing a crossword puzzle over and over and over and over and over and over again, you're no longer really exercising that muscle. It's, it's just a part of it's there, it's already. You got it Right, so it's not. If I keep speaking English, I'm not really exercising my language skill. Okay, fair Right. So introducing new things, I just don't know how to do that.
Speaker 2:I don't have to do it forever. I don't have to become an expert at it, but just to exercise the brain.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's interesting I.
Speaker 2:What about you?
Speaker 1:Yeah, in my decathlon. Yeah, I have played some brain games, although not lately. I think I mentioned to Susie recently that I wanted to learn how to juggle. I think that would be something from what I understand from Jim Quick, who's like the brain guy, who's written a great book and maybe we'll talk about it at some point. I saw him talk about juggling, as I mean not to be the best juggler ever on the planet, but that is a great tool for your mind.
Speaker 2:Oh, my gosh, gotta be.
Speaker 1:So and and cognition is important to me, so I would say those two things plus taking my, my omegas, those three things, and then, physically for sure, ankle strength. I'm. I've a couple of times this year already I've had a couple of ankle things like the roads are not flat, you know here, and you know it's not even flat, they're not paved well, you know, and very easily.
Speaker 1:You can just like hit, hit a crack the wrong way, right, yeah, yeah, so that, um, so that, ankle and foot strength, I think, and flexibility it's not just strength, it's also flexibility yeah is important to me. I want to be able to walk miles and miles and miles. Um, you know, get off the floor, like we talked about, so that now I'm at three things physically, three things mentally, and I'll have to think of what the other four would be.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a good start. Yeah, great list. Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, and so I would challenge everybody that's listening to us today to come up with your own decathlon.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'd be really curious. Yeah, I'd really be curious. I would love to see everybody's list. Yeah, send us your list.
Speaker 2:I just realized in Spotify you can leave a comment. So if you can like, if you tell us that, yeah, I know, tell us I, yeah, I know, tell us I'd love to know, and and like, don't let your, if you've got some limiting beliefs, don't believe them.
Speaker 1:Push back on the beliefs. That's the coaching nugget. Every, every one of these pods we got to come up with a coaching nugget and for sure that is one, which is is you know, don't like catch yourself in your own lies. You know, and and maybe it's a truth too, you don't know. Though, yeah, like, sometimes the mind will tell you you know, you can't, we don't know whether it's true or not. Like go try it and determine for yourself before trying to think it first absolutely Absolutely Test it.
Speaker 2:Test it, make sure you're telling yourself the truth.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then, if it is true, I still think you can design around it. So look at it from a different perspective, or go to someone for help, et cetera, et cetera. But I think that's it all right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was pretty. That was a really interesting conversation about maintaining your strength and not falling into those limiting beliefs that keep us stuck where we're at yeah exactly sure I know what I'm gonna take on, which is the juggling.
Speaker 2:Nice, I mean.
Speaker 1:I think I brought it up to Susie like three weeks ago. I need, I need here's my, here's what I'm going to. I'm going to next week, Susie, when we talk. Yes, I will have tried it one time.
Speaker 2:Oh nice, I thought you were going to be juggling for me, that's what I thought it was.
Speaker 1:That would be a lot of juggling between now and then I have to have a Christmas party. God knows what's going to happen. No, I'm going to try it, darn it.
Speaker 2:Fine, I think, for me. I'm really in it. I don't even know what other extra thing to promise. Yeah don't even I'm in it, I'm really in it. Keep being in it. I'm going, but I'm in it, I'm, I'm really in it.
Speaker 1:So, um, keep being in it, I'm gonna keep being in it and I'll come back and report on my juggling yeah, and we'll talk to y'all next time. Yeah, thanks for listening. Bye.